Elsewhere, there is laughter and tragedy, although not in that order.

"When I read about the physical and emotional toll parents with disabled children face, I want to delete this whole post, and write about something I’m actually qualified to address, like kitty cats."

Wonderland entry, above.

And now: Looky, Daddy! is a blog I have grown to love, and not just because its author guilted me into linking to him. How could you not love this?:

"Of all the questions we twin parents get, nothing drives me crazier than the "natural" question. The fact that people feel they can so casually inquire to a stranger's personal life and health issues just completely baffles me. Do these people go up to bald people and ask, "So, cancer?"

Here are a few of my favorite answers to "Are they natural?" Feel free to pick and choose, depending on the situation.

1. No, they're unnatural.

2. No, they're synthetic.

3. (In a low whisper:) Clones.

4. No, they're pretend.

5. No, they're made of cobbled together body parts I bought on eBay.

6. More than you.

7. No, sir! What you are looking at is the next level of human baby. I'm telling you, they are state of the art. Titanium skeleton. Pentium III processor. And the outside? 100% NuSkin. Grown in a lab in Weehawken, New Jersey. Looks real, doesn't it? Cost a pretty penny, I don't mind saying, but worth it. Sure, we could have gone with the vinyl skin, but I think those just look tacky, plus they heat up like the dickens in the summer. Do you want to feel it? No? Okay, but do this: Lean in close, you can hear them hum. It's low, but you can hear it. Go ahead. No? Alright. Well, next time, maybe. Anyway, if you want to know more, the manufacturer of these bad boys has a website. It's www.youarearudesonofabitch.com. Check it out when you get a chance."

See? You can't.

Comments

[MJ]

As the mum of twins, I can totally relate to this. Though now that my children are 5, I get asked less frequently. However, at a holiday party a total stranger asked if I'd used fertility drugs. I was speechless.

My pet peeve is this queston: "Who is oldest?" Ummm. How does that matter to you? And how would that matter to them? Birth order might have an impact when you're separated from your sibling(s) by multiple months but not when the difference is 4 minutes.

[Just Beachy]

Okay, see, I am slow...I didn't go to the links and I totally missed the indented "quote" as taken from his site, and I was pretty sure that you didn't have twins, so as I was reading this, I was reading twins as you know, breasts, lol. Simple mistake. right?

[Looky, Daddy!]

Aww, man. Now I have to take back all those mean things I posted about you. Just do me a favor: Don't Google "Alice Bradley" for a few days. It'll take just a while to get all that cleaned up...

[Chookooloonks]

My daughter, who looks very much like me, was adopted, and when people find out, I get the "oh she looks like your natural child" all the time.

I'm SO using these comebacks. Thanks!

K.

[kelly]

Genius.

[Suz]

The first time someone asked me if our twins were "natural," I had no clue what they meant. No clue. So, I gestured toward the twins and said, "No. We have clothes for them."

[Blythe]

I'm pretty sure they do. Say that to bald people.

[Michelle]

Suz's comment cracked me up. A new definition of "natural." People often ask silly/irritating questions but I think that more often than not it's just to make conversation, not to offend. Some people (including myself at times) are not as smooth and clever as others.

[whymommy]

Clones! I love it! Now I have to add Looky Daddy to my reading too! Thanks for the giggle.

[Noelle]

So are you saying I shouldn't keep asking bald people about their cancer?

[Katie]

I have boy/girl twins & the question that I get ALL THE TIME is: "Are they identical?"People have actually argued with me about it! "But they look the same..." Yes, ignorant stranger, you are correct - my son and daughter are exactly the same (other than that whole penis and vagina thing).

[Anne Glamore]

Questions for parents of twins:(and the answers I used, admittedly, on not much sleep)

Did you have them naturally?Yes - they just slid on out of my vagina!

No-- are they REAL twins?No: they are ghosts.

Do twins run in your family?Well, sometimes they skip.

You must have your hands full!Yes, and my arms are full too. Can you carry one?

AG www.tinykingdom.typepad.com

[Looky, Daddy!]

Katie, read this post.

[Kyran]

I cringe from both points of view in this dialogue.

As someone who has been known to put her foot in her mouth from time to time, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I assume most folks *mean* well and aren't trying to piss anyone off. I know I don't ever plan to be a dumbass. it sometimes (probably often) just comes out that way.

I have been irritated by similar kinds of overtures, but I am also kind of touched by nosy people when it comes to pregnancy and babies. There's something kind of tribal and communal about it.

that all sounds so Rodney King dorky....I'm sorry, they really are very funny imaginary comebacks. I guess I am just all snarked out today. Blog fatigue.

[alanaransley]

Those are some great comebacks! Now, can someone find an appropriate one for me? My son is five, and I am not convinced yet that I want another child. If another person asks me when I am going to have another one, I may just spontaneously combust. I guess we got the high maintenance one first, and until someone can promise me that a second child will be mellow, I'm not taking that risk. Two of him would drive me even crazier!

[nancy]

When I was asked "Do twins run in your family?" It used to horrify my hubby that I would answer, "Well, they learned to walk first."

[kristenv]

People in the south phrase their inquiries only vaguely more politely...of my IVF conceived twin boys, I always get asked "do twins run in your family" to which I generally respond "no, we paid extra for those."

[Kate]

I gotta advertise my own little twins stupid questions page: http://www.techhouse.us/Hosted/Tig/?page_id=208

[Arabella]

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for this post!

I'm pregnant with twins, and currently dealing with, "Will you be able to have a vaginal delivery, or will you need a C-section?" Usually from men, many of whose names I don't even know, in public settings. You'd think I deserve at least a little dinner before I'm expected to answer a question like that.

My all-time favorite, though, is "Did you know that the risk of maternal death is greater with twins?" No, but I do know that the risk of dying at the hands of a mother of twins is greater when the questioner asks that question.

[geeky]

As Katie pointed out, the dumb questions don't stop once the twins are born. I have a twin brother, and I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, "Are you identical twins?" My other favorites: "Can you feel it when he gets hurt?", and when we were going off to the same college, "Will you be rooming together?" (How many co-ed dorm rooms have you heard of?!)

[Katie]

alanaransley, how about these:1. "Our court-appointed social worker doesn't think it would be a good idea"2. "My doctor doesn't think it is possible, because when (insert son's name) was born he really shredded me Down There" (pointing to your nether regions).3. "I really think a baby would cut into my drinking time"4. "I heard of this website you should visit...www.youarearudesonofabitch.com"

[Ceej]

alanaransley--Proceed with caution. My boys are 5.5 years apart and not a week goes by without someone commenting on it. "WOW. That's quite a gap!!!" Never said with a smile, only disapprovingly, like 'What is wrong with you? All kids are supposed to be 2 years apart!' then seguing into, 'What IS wrong with you? Infertility, stupidity, laziness?' when in actuality it was none of the above--well, maybe a little stupid 'cause they do not get along at all--it was all planned for when we were ready, financially and emotionally. Go figure.

[shannon]

i understand that question...not that i would ask it, but i understand. for me, when i was younger, ha!, i always wanted twins. i think it's absolutely brilliant when the body "naturally" produces twins. so when i see twins these days, i wonder to myself if it was natural or fertility drug induced, because that is becoming a more common thing. it's just a point of curiosity for me, and really doesn't matter in the big picture, and there's certainly no judgement going on either. it's just a fascination of mine. i hope that it's the same for most people who *would* ask that question, and not because they feel it means anything less to have twins, or multiples, "unnaturally."

[LetterB]

Clones! Ha! From the second I got pregnant (with but one) and through these last two years I have been shocked by the highly personal questions I have gotten from strangers. I almost always use miss manners's stock answer for such situations: "Why on earth would you want to know that?"

ps. Alice, I admire you taking on that particular topic in the Wonderland post. You handle it with remarkable poise.

[Daphne]

I am just happy that you write so well and stick your neck out there despite the fact that you don't have a child with a disability.

You bring so much colour ( I'm Canadian, and that's how we spell colour) to the seemingly everyday occurrences of you and your "normal' and healthy child.

And I enjoy how artfully you do it. I don't get the impression that you have a lack of appreciation for the ordinary. Besides, being normal, ordinary and average is all relative anyway.

I'm a mom and I am disabled.And I would say that I'm pretty "normal". My children are not disabled. Which I am thankful for everyday.

Does having a disability mean that I have insight into other peoples decisions regarding how best to raise their disabled child?

No.

When a debate is waged about what is in the best interest of any child, disabled or not I would like to think that even if we can't agree on what "best" is that at least society is stopping everything that they're doing for a moment and really giving it some thought.