Doctor's orders
May 11, 2011I took one of those depression-quiz thingies online today, and out of 45, my score was 42. I win at depression! Which I guess means I lose at life right now.
Right now. I'm stressing that. This day is not so good. Yesterday was bad. Today is even so much worse, like you would not believe. And yet I'm hanging on. No choice in the matter, after all.
My doctor has prescribed, in addition to an increase in the medication that I am not 100% sure is working in the first place, a complete work stoppage for the next two weeks. No work. That means no blogging, which I argued was not "work," per se, but he argued back that it does in fact tax my already limited mental/emotional reserves, which I can't argue with. It is staggeringly hard to think right now. Plus it's like the keyboard designers TRIED to make it harder for us to type. I have to put so much muscle into it!
In addition to not working, I have been commanded to entertain myself like it's my job, until (please yes soon?) the meds are working. I just finished watching "Eat Pray Love" on Netflix. Julia Roberts has such a veiny face! I found the movie smug (not surprising) but diverting.
So while I won't be updating with much of anything for the next two (2!) weeks, I will be checking in. And if you have any ideas for non-challenging, soothing diversions, I am all eyes. And appreciative (if mis-firing) brain. I love you guys. I kind of mean that, like a lot.
Reader Comments (178)
what is this test you speak of? i want to take it so i can watch netflix for 2 weeks per doctors orders.
ps: thanks to netflix, i learned of the glorious splendor that is the show "brother and sisters."
pps: hang in there.
Really sorry to hear you're feeling bad. Don't worry about the blog. We'll all be here when you're ready.
Diverting stuff... Alexander McCall Smith books are soothing and easy to digest, I find. Online scrabble? Though I can find that stressful in an overcompetitive way. Cooking and then eating the results is always good, especially if much chocolate is involved. Spa day!
Take care of yourself. Hope you feel better soon xxx
*GENTLY KISSES YOUR FOREHEAD IN A YELLING WAY SO THAT YOU KNOW SCHMUTZIE MEANS IT*
Two short non-challenging, soothing diversions for your viewing pleasure (in lieu of a hug)
1. My cat Johnny Whiskers drinking water in his signature way.
2. Audio equipment of yesteryear, spinning slowly slowly slowly
The zoo always makes me happy. Every so often I have to spend an afternoon watching polar bears swimming and monkeys playing and giraffes ... um ... doing whatever it is giraffes do while downing neon-colored Icees and forgetting about the rest of the world to get my head screwed back on straight. Rest and rejuvenate and we'll be here when you get back.
I hope (maybe, maybe!) these help: not staring too much at the computer, go for long walks in the city instead; spend some quality time in Bloomingdale's/Soho; browse summer dresses at Aritzia (a short walk from Bloomie's and, hey, NY mag pronounced them the best for summer dresses); afternoon movies in the theater; putting plants and flowers in the ground; reading with attention to detail People mag's coverage of the royal wedding.
i'm sending good vibes. i hope you get them.
There are tons of well-wishes and happy thoughts wrapped up in this very simple comment. Get well soon.
I am sorry that your uptake/downtakes have not sorted themselves by now. Rest. Relax. Take care of yourself. Reading your last few posts convinced me to take one of those self-tests myself and finally cash in 3 free counseling sessions via my Employee Assistance plan. I need them.
If I had 2 glorious work-free weeks I'd be:
-watching trashy TV or funny TV
-knitting (possibly while watching trashy TV)
-taking my dogs to the park
-trying out the new Sims: Medieval
-uploading and editing some of the silly puppy videos on my camera
-Finally reading Hunger Games and Let's Panic About Babies
-Finding more tumblrs and twitterers to follow
Alice!
My clammy palms, nervous stomach, and my crazy racing heart ache for you. They ache in a dark solidarity, and hope you find peace soon, and consistently. My PALMS? Ewww.
A friend of mine who finally found the right dosage for the meds she was taking explained her situation like this: "I still have bad days. I still have really awful days. But now I'm not completely debilitated by them; I can cope with a bad day like everyone else." While that made sense to me, it didn't make me feel hopeful about anything other than the possibility of being medicated. More meds. Which meds? Wean from meds. No meds! NEW meds! Grrrr. Zap. Zzzz. I wondered, however, who are these people, the EVERYONE ELSE she was thinking of? I don't want to settle for a really awful day (but I at least showered!) I'm so tired of "coping." Or feeling merely dreadful rather than a total collapse. These are the options?!! I'm only now realizing there's an almost perverse but kind of wonderful Misery-Loves-Company aspect to living with depression––if only because we aren't so alone.
My darkness has this message for yours: "Hey. Oh, sorry. I said, 'hey'. I know. Sorry I don't sound enthusiastic. I have to stop apologizing so much. Wouldn't it be great if unwashed hair and a brooding monotone were sexy? No. It's okay. I'm not interested either. I'm going to sleep now. Again. This post didn't cheer you up, right? It's your post and I'm butting in. Awful this. Awful that. So...This was *fun*. Yep. I should entertain a kids' birthday parties."
<li> "Arrested Development"</li>
<li> Napping</li>
Feel better. The internet will miss you, and I will be sending warm, gentle thoughts your way.
(Apparently those are HTMLs that are not allowed. Oh well.)
-You could rewatch seasons 1-4 of West Wing. Do not watch seasons 5-7, or you will feel worse. (I say rewatch as though you've already watched them at least once.)
-Do you do any handicrafts? When I lived at the Sad Hospital, they taught us how to make collage magnets, and they are incessantly satisfying and require the least brainpower ever.
-Paint your nails. Take the color off. Paint your nails. Repeat.
-Read the Things Arranged Neatly tumblr.
-Go outside a little bit every day. Even if it's just to sit on your stoop. If you do not currently have a stoop, perhaps your insurance company will provide one for you?
-Play Uno with your child. And/or your husband. It is SO easy, but weirdly absorbing. Do NOT pay $75 for a Harry Potter Uno set on Ebay. TRUST ME.
I hope this passes for you soon. I just came out of the suck and even though my brain told me it NEVER WOULD, it feels so much better.
I want to hug you so much right now. And stroke your hair. And rub your back. Because that? Is my idea of entertainment.
Being stroked, that is, not stroking you. I mean, I would stroke you, but for YOUR entertainment, not mine.
I would also watch an entire TV series on DVD. I recommend:
Gilmore Girls
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Veronica Mars
It's OK to pretend to be 13 when you're on depression-rest.
OH! And the honey badger:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg
I've been there. It is teh suck. I hope it gets better soon.
Diversions, hmm. Maybe a Luanne Rice book? Not cerebral, but everything always ends up happy, and I find her writing style fairly engaging.
My guilty-pleasure junk food-for-the-brain books are the ones in the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. They will make you laugh. And laugh.
Also watching the available seasons of the original "Dragnet" series and the old Perry Mason (when he was still all dashing and broad-shouldered and driving shiny Cadillacs every episode) always make me feel warm and comforted...but that might just be me.
And doing google image searches for things like "animals wearing sunglasses" (which is a search you should totally do right this second, by the way).
Hugs to you across the internet.
We love you, too! It really sucks when the brain chemicals rise up in mutiny. It happens to me a lot, too. Sending good, fun, happy vibes your way!
As a fellow depressee (that's a word, right?) I highly recommend old reruns of Bewitched. Really. I have been known to crawl inside old episodes of Bewitched and not want to leave. That might not be healthy, but IT'S A DIVERSION, DAMMIT.
As someone who tonight was thinking "If I just curl up in bed and let the kids play on the computers and watch TV and not feed or bathe them or make them do homework or go to sleep until my husband comes home at 10 pm, can I claim 'impending nervous breakdown' and he'll take over the mommy job and give me a break?" I can relate.
The answer in my case: Not likely. But tonight? Very tempting to test the theory out anyway. One night won't kill them, right? Besides the Scooby snacks they will find on a low shelf and feed themselves with if they get hungry enough only LOOK like dog biscuits.
Also? My favorite "guilty pleasure" chick flicks -- Love Actually & Enchanted April. I highly recommend watching these on Netflix tomorrow. Would that I could join you on the sofa with these, a pot of tea and a big box of cookies.
Also? If you want the name & number of my amazing acupuncture & deep massage therapist, who makes me feel 1000% better physically AND mentally after a session, e-mail me.
Garden. Play in the dirt. Grow stuff and eat it. But only if you want to.
Go to The Cloisters. Alone, with your camera.
I'm sorry things are so full of crap right now.
I've been reading you for years, and I wanted to tell you that, thanks to you, for the past several years, my husband and I still find ourselves saying "too murfy!"--most often when we find ourselves inexplicably without pants.
I second Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls for some good escapist TV. The 6-hour BBC Pride and Prejudice (or really, just about any Jane Austen movie) always makes me happier. If you've never seen the BBC series "Coupling," it is also a delight.
Sending lots of good thoughts your way.
Sending you my love Alice. I'm sorry that the meds are needing adjustment. I hope they work well and your enforced rest will help. I hate feeling at the mercy of medication and it's so frustrating when it doesn't work how we need it to.
I find all of the Austin movies diverting. A&Es Emma w/ Kate Beckinsale, P&P both the Colin Firth & the Matthew McFadden one, Alan Rickman in Sense & Sensibility, Billie Piper in Mansfield Park, they are comforting to me and fun.
I hope you are feeling better soon!
Depression is an asshole.
Feel better.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a crushing thing as depression right now. The most crucial things I find really help my mental state:
Long walks
Good Books
Logic Puzzles
Meditation
I wish you happy healing and a streess-free couple of weeks.
I am so sorry you are having the dark cloud! O that I could wave a wand and shoo it away.
A couple of months ago I made a collection of things that make me laugh, and I will gladly share it with you now: http://hikooky.blogspot.com/2011/02/best-medicine.html
For a true soul-soothing experience, try this book and/or this movie:
"My Family and Other Animals" by Gerald Durrell
(memoir of growing up on the island of Corfu way back when) http://www.amazon.com/Family-Other-Animals-Gerald-Durrell/dp/0142004413/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1305156196&sr=1-1
"The Enchanted April" - four Victorianish women vacation together on the Amalfi Coast. Gorgeous and sweet. And brilliant. (adapted from the book) http://www.amazon.com/Enchanted-April-Josie-Lawrence/dp/B00005JL1R/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1305156302&sr=8-2
Sorry for all the big ol' links. I wanted to make finding things as easy as possible.
Ohhh, I hope you feel better soon. :)