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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« I can see. Life is good. | Main | Any color will do, as long as it’s not red. »
Tuesday
Feb062007

Diagnosis: allergy!

"I'm looking at these eye drops--one of the side effects listed is 'taste perversion.'"

"So you'll be eating butternut squash soup, and you'll think, why does this taste like a stripper's boot?"

" That's exactly what will happen."

"Why does this sandwich taste like a ball gag?"

"You're not going to believe how offensive dinner will be tonight."

"'Honey, why does dinner taste like sex with a goat?'"

Reader Comments (45)

Well, my first, second and fifth choices were already taken. So I'm left with:

What makes them think that ball gags are perverted? Perhaps that's normal and the rest are wierd!
...and traffic to Finslippy spikes even higher, as a legion of Google hopefuls follow the links of their dreams...
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbraine
Spot-on, braine. Alice, please tell us that your use of 'ball gag' was not a strategic attempt to lure more readers to your site? Because, really? You probably don't want THOSE readers.
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterslouching mom
I'll say it if it makes you feel better, SM. Or should I say S and M? Who's really courting ball-gag fans?
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice
Touche! That actually had not occurred to me, else I'd have come up with a different online identity. I am the most naive person I (and anyone else who's met me) know(s). Hell if I know what ball gags are. Off to google for answers, for I must maintain my newfound S&M identity.

February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterslouching mom
Ah yes, another Google user made happy...the "ball gag fan" provides much-needed refreshing pleasure when you're practicing your chosen adult pursuit in a warm climate or confined space and breathing through your nose just doesn't cool you down. I look forward to the new ads on the left side!
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbraine
Welcome back Alice! Glad to hear your malady was as simple as an allergy. LOL about the taste perversions. I have to thank Robin for posting the Wikipedia explanation of a a ball gag. I had no idea... I guess I'm old and boring! Well, actually, I already knew that.
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl52
Mauigirl52, I have to 'fess up, I didn't know what a ball gag was either, but apparently Wikipedia has an entrance (maybe I should rephrase that), a posting for just about any perversion you might need to research. That, and my husband knew what it was, AND directed me to the incredibly gross goatse link. Should I worry?
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRobin in San Jose
You have a warped mind....but you seem to embrace it. Rock on.
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterhazasaem
Wow... Good luck with all your naughty dinners. If meals were that interesting at my house, I think DH and I would be 400 pounds. :-) Feel better soon!
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterHeather
I have it on good authority that ball gags taste like chicken.
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLux Lisbon
So what does sex with a goat taste like?
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterthethinker
As I read that last line, Buster's voice popped into my head from that PBS Kids online game where you have to blah blah blah kid thingy blah blah too dorky to explain. Anyway, he keeps chirping, " I HAVE that one!" That's what popped into my head.
February 7, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMignon
It might be an interesting dinner if you take the eye drops AND the newly approved over-the-counter diet drug (not that you need it, of course) that causes, ahem, sudden bathroom urges.
February 8, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAngeerah
OMG you're the coolest mom ever. henry has no idea what he's up for.
February 8, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterGrace
Wow.

I'm sad in that I actually KNEW what a ball gag was, but ONLY from Pulp Fiction. I swear!

MelissaS reminded me of a Folgers Crystals commercial. Cameramen will come bursting out of your potted plants to see if you've noticed.

Well, I hope your eye feels better at the expense of your taste buds. Maybe just add ketchup?
February 8, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha Jo Campen
Thank you Alice. I peed. Just a little. But enough.

Also, your earlier post? About women? and about the bs that they totally launched on M? Rockin. Here's to our voices.
February 8, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterlis
I took an antibiotic one time that "perverted" my taste, specifically for chocolate. Chocolate just didn't taste right, which almost made me cry. I had no idea I was tasting goat sex. Trust me, it's awful.
February 9, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMandy
oh that was funny
February 10, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkimblahg
How did I miss the link earlier? I've stopped saying ball gag now. Apparently I should speak in acronyms ... I see it is BDSM.

Wow, that wikipedia - even a picture.
February 22, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterOMSH

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