Couldn't they at least make it a cool color?

Here's the saddest child-safety product ever (sadder, even, then the Toddler Tether, which, frankly, I can now sort of appreciate)--the Bumper Bonnet, a thickly padded helmet designed to keep your child from spilling his or her brains all over your new carpet. I'm not saying I haven't at times wished my child's head was wrapped in swaddling cloths. But this thing looks like someone wrapped a diaper around the baby's head and then affixed it with some masking tape.

And what about this baby's mother (reeling out of frame in the background)? Can't she, say, watch her kid instead of padding his head? Does she have to watch soaps and get drunk every morning while her child bashes his be-cushioned brainpan against the sideboard? Does he have to grow up asking why Mommy drinks so much Mommy-juice if the Mommy-juice makes her sad? That's all I'm asking.

Comments

[Mrs. Kennedy]

MY mommy-juice makes me HORNY.

[Summer]

Anyone who thinks my precious one's head is "delicate" has never had that delicate head slammed into his or her nose at great velocity. Ow. It's like lead, I tell you.

One of Dorian's playgroup friends was born with a mild muscular problem that eventually led to her needing a corrective helmet. She had to wear the helmet for several months after her first birthday. Her mother, her good Jewish mother, was distraught that her gorgeous firstborn would have to wear such a fashion monstrosity. At first she swore that she wouldn't leave the house with the baby until the helmet could come off. Eventually she relented and brought her daughter back to playgroup, with the helmet swathed in a scarf. All she needed was some big sunglasses and she could have been a toddler Garbo. Dorian thought she looked fetching, and spent the entire hour crawling after her to give her hugs. That helmet came in handy when the little girl fell and slammed her delicate little head into the side of Dorian's Little Tykes PlayGarden. I told the girl's mother that all the kids needed helmets, but I didn't really mean it. How is my child going to learn to protect his head in falls if he's wearing a damn helmet? And they really do look stupid. Even if it's covered with a scarf. Especially if it's covered with a scarf.

[jilbur]

I'm totally a Montessori mom when it comes to this: like Summer said--they gotta learn, 'Oh, golly, it's not my favorite sensation when my head hits the corner of the coffee table!' Also, they not only learn about the concept of danger by watching us stagger wildly about trying to protect yet another skull-challenging accident--they get valuable infotainment from it, as well.

[Kal]

Arf! Arf arf arf. I have this post bookmarked as my entry point to finslippy and just thought I'd check back and confirm how ludicrous the bumper bonnet is. Still makes me laugh, but not as much as this. There's a line that says "prevents bumps, bruises, and tears", which I've only just realised refers to water pouring from baby's eyes, not massive jagged edged lacerations. All this time I've been thinking "damn, that's one SERIOUSLY accident prone baby.."