Communication breakdown.

What we said: Time to get dressed!

What he heard: Tell us that story again. The one with no real ending.

What we said: Okay, really, it's time to get dressed.

What he heard: How slowly can you slide one foot into a pantleg?

What we said: GET. DRESSED.

What he heard: Whoa, mister, where's the fire? Surely you can zone out for a few minutes while your head is still inside your shirt.

What we said: Okay, I'm leaving the room now because otherwise I'm going to scream.

What he heard: Chase after me! Chase after me and be sure to make robot noises! Also, don't zip up your pants first, so that they fall down around your ankles. I love that.

What we said: So how was school today?

What he heard: GIVE ME YOUR SOUL.

What we said: I don't need details, I just wanted to know if you had a good day.

What he heard: DELICIOUS SOUL. I WILL EAT IT AND LEAVE NONE FOR YOU. NOM NOM.

What we said: I can tell by the shrieking that you don't want to tell me about your day, so let's move on.

What he heard: Truly, sir, you have defeated me. I tip my hat to you.

What we said: You can watch one show.

What he heard: You can watch at least one show.

What we said: No, one show. One. That's it.

What he heard: I'm sure a little whining could convince me otherwise.

What we said: That sound coming out of your mouth is not changing my mind.

What he heard: I'm beginning to see your point.

What we said: Or we could have no television for the rest of the week.

What he heard: Which leaves me more time for grilling you about school. I will get that soul if it's the last thing I do. BWA HA HA.

Comments

[J]

Thank you...this makes me feel like I'm not alone with my two angels of Satan stealing my soul! Today I’ve been vomited on, whipped by a naked 3-year old’s large wet shower towel, hollered at, screamed at, hurled at, cried on, chomped on, bit, suctioned (breast pumped when baby wouldn't wake up and as soon as I finished pumping she woke up famished), and raked over the coals. Your humor eases the pain of my morning!

[Koyaanisgatsi]

Son or husband? Because, quite frankly, it could be either. Well done. You have captured the essence or my last year of life!

[Pam]

Misery loves company and therefore it was very comforting to know that they all speak, think, and behave THE SAME WAY. Can't they just live on an island together and come back when they're say, 18????

[Tracy]

Wow! Everyone who read this seems to have come away with the same reaction as I.

I read this posting aloud and told my son, (who wondered why everyone else in the house was roaring with laughter) that you had written an article about him. He wants to know why it doesn't say "Article about Parker." Maybe next time... The similarities are often frightening.

[Sarcasta-Mom]

Seriously? I'm glad no one was in my office because I just laughed like crazy. I'm pretty sure that about sums up what goes on in every kid's head....

[abby]

that could be the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

[Sus]

oh thank you; I was beginning to feel genuinely bad about how quickly I am completely DONE with my kid / snail / brick wall. is it mean that i start to walk out the door with the baby and just yell "see ya later, anna!" to make her come tearing after me yelling "no mama! don't leave me! mommy! mommy!" i mean, it has the desired effect...

[linda lu]

WHY is this the first time I've read your blog? This is the best post.... I'm laughing and crying.I've got some catching up to do. Thanks for the great read and for explaining the insanity of parenting so well.