Changes are afoot

Or are they "ahand"? Because I use my hand to make changes on the computer do you get it AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAArup.

I am not referring to big changes, so don’t worry. Don't--stop that. Jesus, would you calm down? Yes, I’m talking to you, Jesus. You holy fret-machine. Seriously, take a chill pill. Did they not have those, back in ancient Jerusalem times? Take a chill root, then. A calming tincture.

I am considering making some changes to this site, but am hobbled by a few things: 1) I don’t know anything about web design, and 2) no, you don’t understand—I really don’t know anything about web design. Also 3) like, nothing. NOTHING.

So while I agonize over what changes to make and how and also who can I bribe and/or blackmail to help me, here’s one change that’s not too difficult even for me, and I am doing it right now, and it goes like this: I am abolishing my blogroll. Begone, blogroll! You are dead to me!

Let me splain to you why. The blogroll, in theory, is a living thing, subject to the whims and fancies of the author. In depressing reality, it becomes a definitive statement of WHO I LIKE, and if I happen to remove a blog or two, simply because I’d like the blogroll to not get overly encumbered and there are some newcomers I’d like to spotlight, the people I remove almost invariably SHED BITTER, HATEFUL TEARS and then SEND ME DEPRESSING EMAILS asking what they could have done to offend me. And then I have to tell them that while they are blameless, I just haven’t been keeping up with their blogs and it seemed disingenuous to keep them on a list. Which, in effect, sounds like I’m saying, “You know, I WOULD read your blog, I really would! Only you’ve just become so boring and only I have time for fun reads! You know?” (Which is not what I meant to say. Oh, I’m going to make someone else cry, now.)

Instead, I’m going to remove the blogroll, and then I can write entire posts about the entertaining new blog or person or video or WHATEVER I’ve found on the Internet, and I can share it with you. This way I have, you know, something to write about, and the subject of the blog post can be either delighted or indifferent, but at least I’m not hurting anyone. At least I don’t have to say, “By the way? No longer read this other person, as I have been told she smells like feet lately. Thank you.” No one need suffer.

Speaking of entertaining blogs, I discovered Hyperbole and a Half this week, and proceeded to read her entire site and laugh myself sick. How did I miss her before? It never fails to astound me, how I could have never heard of someone who has an enormous and loyal following. The Internet is truly a wondrous and baffling universe of fun and horrors. Hyperbole and a Half is the former. The Awkward Situation Survival Guide should be a requirement for anyone who claims to be familiar with the glory of the Internet. Read! Love! Daisies!

Comments

[Erin]

Hyperbole and a Half is a gift! Thanks for sharing the link.

[Aimee]

What a FABulous idea. I may eliminate my blogroll too. Cuz I'm a total copycat.

[Liz]

Sure, well, there goes all my traffic! I suppose I'll check your links . . .

[lizneust]

Oh bummer. I get why you did it, but I used your blog as my leaping off point as well. Ah well, now I need to fend for myself. First stop - Hyperbole and a Half!

[Fable]

That's so funny, I totally just discovered Hyperbole and a Half yesterday and did the same!!

[Jen]

Holy cow. I just injured myself reading Hyperbole and a Half. Between you and her, I'm going to need bladder surgery!

[Zina]

I think Hyperbole is pretty new, if that makes you feel any better. Or anyway, *I* only recently discovered it. And then my life became worth living. I think her fish story is the finest thing the internet has produced to this point. (Prior to that, the best thing the internet had ever produced was this:

http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_how_to_draw_a_face.php )

[Zina]

Woops, here's a clickable version of that link.

[Wendy]

I'm going to be completely slutty and tell you about MY blog, aka mah pwecious widdle wambie pie that I think you should add to your imaginary blogroll:

http://redheadmama.com

[Alexandra]

Love that you're going to do this, I can't get enough of my funny blogs.

I hope you find someone to help you with your blog redesign...it'll be just how you want it, I can tell.

Off to hyperbole's, and THANKS!

[Laura]

I put my blogroll on a different page so that it didn't make my columns wonky and uneven. My Favorites is so long, I didn't want to add to it. I'm a hoarder of sites. I should be on that tv program "Hoarders" and get some help.

[LizPres]

I know, I visit your site 100 times a day just to use your blogroll to go to other sites. Now I'm expected to make them my favorites?! Well ... I do see why you made the change though. Very gentle of you ...

[Kristin]

Do you hate me? Why did you tell me about Hyperbole and a Half? I've just lost my entire morning and am likely to end up unemployed and drooling in front of my laptop indefinitely. Thanks a lot.

[Amigurumigirl]

hahaha you make being dumped sound so fun!

[Lorraine]

CLEAN ALL THE THINGS is my new mantra (for the next 10 minutes anyhow). Hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

[Angela]

I'm going to check our Hyperbole and a Half...I need lots of laughs in my life right now. Thanks for sharing and making me happy with your awesome blog!!

[amanda]

i understand and agree completely with the why... but i am still EVER so glad you did have a blogroll, because it lead me long ago to alexa at flotsamblog.com

that was a mercy and a delight and i am forever grateful!

[tsena]

I am clearly the only member of your cohorte who does not find the whole Hyperbolic business as half as amusing as your writing is.

This observation is neither here nor there of course and it certainly hits its hyperbolic target.

You want us to collecively wean ourselves from your personal favourites. You want us to absolve you from any stylistic guidance. You are abandoning us! Half this, Miss Finslippy! I'll blame you from here to internetabandonment.

Can you sense the love?

[erica]

Oh my god. Alice, my mother just called me on the phone from downstairs to ask why I'm screaming with laughter. Hyperbole is amazing, thank you.

[Kate]

In re: Hyperbole and a Half, you read the post with the pie vs. cake graph, right? If I had a better quality printer, I would print that post and frame it, then redo my entire kitchen just to find the perfect place for it.

[meredith]

Thanks for the pointer...Hyperbole is hilarious, I didn't know about her.

[Reid]

This takes the pressure off on many levels. I don't have to aspire to be on your nonexistent blogroll ... and I don't have to have one either! I suppose I could angle to be one of your featured faves. Will it be like the blog version of going on "Oprah"? Will there be tears of joy and whoops of triumph? Is Hyperbole and a 1/2 signing a book deal as I type?

[Miss Grace]

Instead of a blogroll I post my google reader shared items as a tab on my blog. So it's reflective of what I am actually reading. And I think it works okay.

No one has shed tears for it, that's for damned sure.

[Margaret]

Thanks for sharing the Hyperbole blog...she's TOO FUNNY!

[Joe]

I've used your blog as a jumping-off point too, so I guess I am going to have to do some bookmarking. However, I do understand your reasons (and even if I didn't, who cares? They're your reasons) and also Hyperbole was so worth it that, well, it's all good.