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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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Monday
Feb022009

Apologies in advance

I am sure that posting will be light for the next few weeks because of the move. The imminent move. The frighteningly imminent move.

We need to be out of here by March 1, which means that we need to, uh, pack. Pack, and more importantly, discard whatever we're not taking with us, which is a lot. We've spent the last three years filling up this four-bedroom, two-floor-plus basement house, and we're somehow going to have to pare down our belongings to fit a 900-square-foot apartment. I don't really know how this feat is going to be accomplished, but I suspect several charities are going to get some very large bags full of our belongings, and several more of our neighbors will be bequeathed whatever's too big to stuff into bags.

Why is the idea of tossing away everything so exhilarating? Or is it just me? I like to buy crap just as much as the next consumer, and yet the idea of setting everything out on the curb fills me with glee. We have very few items that I'd feel sad about losing. I'm afraid that once I start shedding belongings I won't be able to stop. I'm going to be in the new place and realize that I gave away all my pants.

The new place! We have a new place! So, uh, I hope this house closing goes smoothly, because otherwise, whoops. We're renting in the heart of Park Slope, and I will officially be that most loathed of creatures—the Park Slope Mom. I intend to start pushing around a double-wide stroller, just for the hell of it. While walking slowly. And drinking a latte. And shouting at my imaginary daughter Finona not to run into traffic.

Reader Comments (93)

Hooray!! You sold the house!! That is a huge blessing. So glad that you get to return to your beloved city life, Alice.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkate
Alice, we will miss you in the 'hood in NJ, but will delight in hearing tales from PS. I miss it so, too, but not enuf to move back. But I totally get why you do.

And TC, the cheese shop you remember turned into a real estate office (shocker, yeah), but there's Blue Apron, an amazing cheese and gourmet shop on Union, plus Bierkraft on Fifth, plus so much more....

Have to stop now and wipe a tear from my eye. I hope to retire to Brooklyn when the kiddies age out of our fab school system here. Meantime, I'll have to satisfy myself by living vicariously thru Alice.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSpringsteen fan
Welcome back to la ciudad. Glad to have you back where you belong...
You make me laugh so hard.

Good luck with the move!
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle
Wendi aarons told me all about you. I just watched u on momservations and I loved the answers you gave to Wendi's questions. Hilarious.

I have a girl so no penile anything involved here. HOwever, I am Jewish and circumcision is the only choice. You did what was right for you and your son, period. I stopped breastfeeding at 16 days, oh if you could have seen the stares from other mothers.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjessica
Dearest Alice,

Packing sucks. The only good thing about it is tossing out a bunch of crap. Feed those closets a heaping helping of Colon Blow and give ‘em a good cleansing.

And thank GOD for circumcision. No foreskin! One less thing to pack!

Undauntedly,Joe
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterheyjoe
Use your words, Finona!

I'm so glad Alice & Co. are moving back to the city. Not only does it seem like you'll be happier here, but now you'll be my neighbors -- you had just moved away when I moved here. I hear you on the embarrassment of being a Park Slope parent, great as the neighborhood is. I still remember calling a friend a month or so after my child was born and going, "Do you realize that I'm pushing a stroller in Park Slope right now?" It was like wearing a Halloween costume -- all I needed was a Food Coop tote bag and a takeaway cup of free-trade coffee. But stereotypes be damned -- this neighborhood rules, as I guess you know or you wouldn't be moving back.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDana
I may live in Topanga Canyon, but my childless, unmarried son lives in Park Slope and I've seen 'em. So don't forget to look all smug when you've finished your stint at the Co-op.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLin
Good for you! (Love the Park Slope area, by the way.)
It is the BEST! THe only good thingk to come out of Hurricane Ike was the house got flooded and that caused me to HAVE to throw out most of our stuff. We were 8 years in the same house and it is very liberating. Hopefully the reconstruction phase will be done soon so I can move out of my mother in laws house and back into my crap-less home.

Love your stuff. It inspired me.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCraig
I stood over a giant pile of stuff last night. A pile I had made over the weekend. A pile we had to walk around to get anywhere until last night. Trash night. I was absolutely giddy with expectation. Nearly floating, I felt so light without all that crap.

My husband? Not so much.

This weekend? Getting rid of more crap.

Good luck with the moving.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNutmeg
Once I get going on the purging, I love it. It's hard for me to get started, though. Good luck with the move!
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney
It feels like half the internet is moving this month!! Hang in there all the movers. On to new(ish) places with less stuff!!! Yeah!
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterleslie
Uhhhhhh...my daughter's name is Fi-O-na and we live in Greenpoint. Suck it.

Jokes, jokes. Also, welcome back to the fun side of the river.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLauren
at least you can say you've done your spring cleaning before it's even spring!

you trendsetter, you :)

--is this the first time I've commented?

ok, then I'm going back to my lurky spot :)
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMotorMouth
Donating to Goodwill is crack for me.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVisty
You will feel so much better once you have removed the old! Its an amazing feeling. Out with the old children's plastic toys... (making room for more). seriously, downsizing is an exhilarating feeling. not to mention how much the charities will love the things you are giving away.www.MiniHipster.com

February 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiniHipster.com
good luck with the purging (so difficult for me, we live in a studio loft space, so i have to keep it under control) and the move. how does henry feel about this?
February 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterbeyond
Hurrah! You're on your way back at last. I suppose it's rather too much to hope that Henry will be coming to P.S. 372.
February 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNotFace
Enjoy purging. It's good feng shui. And if you accidentally throw anything out that you needed, I hear they have stores in New York.

We eagerly await your return.
February 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMom101
Cool! Hope the purging, move and all goes well!
February 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHaus
Oooh, from Wikipedia (I live in Lincoln Park in Chicago...so I wasn't familiar with the Park Slope area...until..

"In December 2006, Natural Home magazine named Park Slope one of America's ten best neighborhoods based on criteria including parks, green spaces and neighborhood gathering spaces; farmer’s markets and community gardens; public transportation and locally-owned businesses; and environmental and social policy."
February 4, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy
you are not alone - we have moved 5 times in just 3 years, and every time i LOVE the clear out. It always results in a 'oh shit, i threw that out', but the cathartic value of throwing away tons of stuff is almost worth it!

so, good luck with the move, and THROW IT OUT. it's cheaper than therapy!
February 4, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterliz horner
Woo-hoo, now you will be eligible to be on Real Housewifes of NYC.

Hope the move goes well.
February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElise
If you have any table/nightstand like furniture that you'd like to shed, I'm a very nice, not-at-all scary reader in Manhattan who will take it off your hands for you :)
February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

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