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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Apologies in advance

I am sure that posting will be light for the next few weeks because of the move. The imminent move. The frighteningly imminent move.

We need to be out of here by March 1, which means that we need to, uh, pack. Pack, and more importantly, discard whatever we're not taking with us, which is a lot. We've spent the last three years filling up this four-bedroom, two-floor-plus basement house, and we're somehow going to have to pare down our belongings to fit a 900-square-foot apartment. I don't really know how this feat is going to be accomplished, but I suspect several charities are going to get some very large bags full of our belongings, and several more of our neighbors will be bequeathed whatever's too big to stuff into bags.

Why is the idea of tossing away everything so exhilarating? Or is it just me? I like to buy crap just as much as the next consumer, and yet the idea of setting everything out on the curb fills me with glee. We have very few items that I'd feel sad about losing. I'm afraid that once I start shedding belongings I won't be able to stop. I'm going to be in the new place and realize that I gave away all my pants.

The new place! We have a new place! So, uh, I hope this house closing goes smoothly, because otherwise, whoops. We're renting in the heart of Park Slope, and I will officially be that most loathed of creatures—the Park Slope Mom. I intend to start pushing around a double-wide stroller, just for the hell of it. While walking slowly. And drinking a latte. And shouting at my imaginary daughter Finona not to run into traffic.

Reader Comments (93)

No apology necessary. Congratulations on your move! It sounds mahvelous.
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhi kooky
We will miss you! But I'm happy for you that you've found a buyer and are able to move to Brooklyn. Maybe you'll be neighbors with my former college roommate who lives in Park Slope!

Best of luck. Diva will miss Charlie too.
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl
Good luck with the move and giving stuff away. What an exciting time!
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie
hurrah! go go go, project B2B (uh, that's back to brooklyn.) ;)
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermiep
Oh, Alice! Good luck. That you recognize the possibility of being a "Park Slope Mom" completely negates you ever actually becoming one of those "mommies." Regardless, it's a lovely neighborhood. I send you best wishes and good moving vibes. Go kick some Brooklyn ass!
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMaire
Can't wait to hear all about it, because, even though I'm a diehard suburbanite, I would secretly love to live in Brooklyn. And you'll be back where you belong! So, yay for you all! (Although 900sq.ft scares the beejesus out of me.)
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGinny
Yay for Park Slope! I moved here nine months ago, and sure, all the strollers can drive this non-mom a little crazy now and again, but I just love my new home.
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTrish
Everyone in Park Slope is going to love you.

I love throwing crap out!!
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterthe mama bird diaries
ZOMG pitching! I am such a pitcher. I throw things I probably shouldn't (I have been prompted by my MIL about what things I must keep "forever") I know that which you mean when you talk about being afraid to throw everything away.

Good luck on your move!
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermostcurious
hurray for park slope! i like to think that for every insufferable park slope parent there are 3 decent parents, cowering in the shadows, afraid to admit that they don't own a country house upstate and that they didn't teach their child sign language. or that they feed their child non-organic hotdogs. there's kind of a mole-people underground parenting ring here-- if i see you around, i'll teach you the secret handshake.
The dreaded PSM. Been one, done that. Still miss being one.

Am a bit jealous about your return plans. I'll be living vicariously through you. Enjoy the purge!
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermadge
I started reading your blog for the funny tales about moving from Brooklyn to the burbs (which we hope to do someday soon) and haven't stopped. Congrats on the move. Looking forward to tales about readjusting to city life.

That said, Obama has just reunited the country. When you move don't go posting about any found hats on the Park Slope Parents board. You'll divide the nation all over again:
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith
Yes, and don't forget, talking into your Blackberry while wearing your Lululemon pants.
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMary M.
Decrapification is very good for the soul.
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiane
I am starting to feel like alice's doppelganger. we share the same birthday, and age, and possibly bear a passing resemblance to each other. at this moment, i too am packing against a march 1st deadline. we are vacating our Brooklyn spot for manhattan. although everyone i know hearts brooklyn, it was our version of being exiled in NJ.

i am not sure if carrie's "wow" was a nyc-ers wow, as in "wow! you have a HUUUUGE space!" or a more suburban wow, which is more like, "HOW WILL YOU LIVE?!" i am here to say 900 sq feet is plenty. it just takes some creative built-ins. :) our last place was 450.

anyway, happy moving to the slope! you do have the best hardware store in the universe. and that imitation of the PSP was deadly accurate.

February 2, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoe elliott
Purging stuff during a move is AWESOME. Once, we had the trash company bring a dumpster to our driveway and we filled that sucker up. Another time we donated a whole pickup truck full of stuff to our church's rummage sale. It's sort of freeing to get ride of stuff. Good luck!
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachael
I loved Park Slope when I lived there, once upon a life, back in...gulp...1989. (How is that possible???) I wonder if my favorite cheese shop is still sitting there right outside the F stop on 7th Ave and...I can't remember which street. But man. I used to buy a baguette and a hunk of pepperoni and the biggest chunk of stilton I could afford on my way home on a Friday night, and make that my dinner (and sometimes my Saturday breakfast and lunch...).
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTC
Who needs pants? It will just add to your image as you're yelling sans pants at the imaginary (or is she just invisible) Finona.
February 2, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarolyn Rosann
If you were a REAL Park Slope mom, you wouldn't yell at Fauxnona about playing in the traffic, you'd yell at the traffic, because how DARE they not stop driving so that your daughter could run freely into the street whenever she wanted to????
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAllison
This past summer we moved out of the 3 bedroom + full basement house we'd lived in for eight years, and into a completely furnished condo 1,000 miles away. We took so much stuff to Goodwill, the attendant eventually spoke sternly to my husband and told him that Goodwill is NOT THE DUMP.

It is very embarrassing to be told that your once-cherished possessions aren't good enough for Goodwill.

My husband, luckily, is very clever. On his next few trips to Goodwill, he took my best friend with him, with her lush breastfeeding boobs on display in a low-cut tank top. The attendant thus distracted, my husband was able to unload the car in peace.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSummer
Viva la Frompy!

I thought you'd lived in Park Slope before?

I moved to NJ from Brooklyn 5 years ago, and as much as I miss it (Manhattan more than Brooklyn, to be honest) I can't imagine going back. There are so many conveniences here in the suburbs that I won't relinquish. Also, it helps that Scott is a city person. My husband would be miserable, and therefore would kill every little bit of joy being home would bring.

Then again, I shopped in a non-mega mart grocery store the other day and got all misty that it was just like FoodTown in Bay Ridge. So go figure.

Best of luck. Are you keeping the car?
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertype (little) a
You should save some of your junk, *ahem* TREASURES, and have an online garage sale on your site!

One (wo)man's trash is another's treasure!

Good luck with the move.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer Suarez
I'm a South Sloper and I love it here. But there are some nuts around. Don't despair if you are only meeting nuts for awhile. I hope to meet you in the hood someday!
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterpam
We're not moving for a year and we're already busy getting rid of crap. :) It is fun. I love looking around a room and picking out the stuff we are NOT bringing.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEva
Good luck with the move! And I don't hate Park Slope moms--my sister-in-law is one.
February 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterML

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