Alice Bradley - Blog - Another in a long string of conversations I never thought I'd have.

Friday

May252007

Another in a long string of conversations I never thought I'd have.

May 25, 2007

"I can't stop pulling weeds."

"I think you should. It's late. You look…you know, tired. And dirty."

"I'm actually disappointed that I can't find any more weeds. I might have a problem."

"Wow. I've never seen anyone so--um, what are you doing?"

"What? I was , you know, picking up some stuff."

"You were pulling a weed, weren't you."

"I… I know. (Sneeze.) I'll stop now. (Sneeze.) "Wait. Okay, now. (Sneeze.)"

"Wow, allergies?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to whatever it is I'm pulling." (Sneeze.)

"You do have a problem."

"It's just—the weeds! They grow so fast!"

"I don't know, if it's green, I just figure it looks like grass, so—"

(uncomfortable silence)

"That was one I noticed before. I had to pull it."

"Alice. I think it's time to go inside."

---

P.S.: New Wonderland up today, about religion. Because I like to tackle the big topics.

Reader Comments (26)

Ah, so you're a picker too. I love weeding. I love popping zits. When my kids were babies I always wished they had cradle cap so I could spend hours scratching and peeling while they lay helplessly in my arms. One of them now has a seriously scaly scalp, but he won't let me touch it. I keep trying, though.

May 25, 2007 |

Deb Abramson

The other day, just as I was getting ready to completely dig up an area of the garden, my mother (who lives in our basement), made me wait while she cleared the area of weeds.

"I'm digging EVERYTHING up, mother."

"I know, I just feel like it helps... somehow."

-sigh-

May 25, 2007 |

Pete Dunn

This is one of my father's obsessions. I got him this crazy weed gadget that you step on and then if closes under the weed and you pop it out. I also got him so airating lawn shoes, these things you put on your feet that have big nails in them that poke holes in the soil.The other day he was telling me about this weed thing that is basically a blowtorch that you poke into the soil near the base of weed and I guess burn it to death. They also have one that does the same thing but with high pressured water.

Oh yeah I know all about weeding.

May 25, 2007 |

brandy

Weeding is like eating peanuts...I just wrote about this the other day! (http://magpiemusing.blogspot.com/2007/05/word-of-day-stoloniferous.html)

May 25, 2007 |

maggie

Weeding feeds my OCD tendencies. We just weeded our front yard and I could not stop. Must. Weed. More. It's the same when the acorns drop from the trees. It's never ending....

May 25, 2007 |

Andrea

It is the one thing I can do all by myself on a beautiful summer day and be almost 100% guaranteed that nobody will bother me for fear I'll make them help.

May 25, 2007 |

cursingmama

Okay, so I hate it when people respond to my entries with, "Just hire someone to do whatever it is you're complaining about!" as if I have money pouring from my ears. So now I'm going to do it to you. Have fun hating me!

We have chem lawn (or whatever the generic potato country equivalent is) come every month or so and now all our weeds are gone. Gone! And so is my sneezing! Whee!

May 25, 2007 |

kerflop

Wow, so are you, like, available For Hire?

May 25, 2007 |

BOSSY

Maybe I should take up weeding. Then I'd stop picking my zits and making my poor face all scarr-y. I think I'll go outside later and weed.

May 25, 2007 |

Melanie

You know, what you need is some weeds you aren't allergic to. You should try some different weeds and see if that helps.

May 25, 2007 |

I know what's best

Ah, home ownership with a yard. And with it, the blight of the weeds. And the follow-on weed obsession.

You are not alone. You just didn't know it.

May 26, 2007 |

Krisco

Definitely the joys of home ownership.

I have TONS of weeds you can pull. I'll help feed the addiction and not have one once of guilt.

May 26, 2007 |

sam

I knew exactly what I wanted to say until I read Deb Abramson's comment about liking to pop zits.

And now ... I'm clueless.

Yep, lost it - it is gone.

And Deb?! Really? eeeewww!

May 26, 2007 |

OMSH

My god, am I alone here? I thought popping zits was a private pleasure many people enjoyed. Um, right guys! Hi! It's just so much more gratifying that letting that little blemish fester on your face and die its own slow death. Or was it the scaly scalp fantasies that got you?

May 26, 2007 |

Deb Abramson

"I can't stop reading blogs.""I think you should. It's late. You look ... you know, tired. And you've been in front of that computer all day.""I'm actually disappointed that there isn't a new entry in the last hour. I might have a problem.""Wow. I've never seen anyone so--um, what are you doing?""What? I was, you know, using the mouse.""You were clicking on refresh, weren't you."

May 27, 2007 |

Randy

Having just spent an entire day trying to catch up on an entire month of weeding neglect, brought on by my brother's wedding and a busy work schedule, I can relate. Especially since most of what I'm pulling is a gazillion tiny tree-lets, sewn by the mighty giants that surround the property.

May 27, 2007 |

Jessica

We had our top soil delivered last year, but never got around to getting our grass down. Now, we have a giant crop of weeds. We spent half an hour last night filling a huge green garbage bag full of them. I guess we'll just have to keep pulling until they're gone, and we get the grass down. ::sigh::

May 28, 2007 |

Kait

I can just see you at a 12 step meeting, "My name is Alice and I am addicted to weeds. No not WEED, weeds, gardening. What? No that is not some new slang for shooting up! Oh screw it..."

May 28, 2007 |

Mallory

Dear Deb,

You are not alone. I love zits, peeling sunburns, flakey anything.

My sister let me get a big blackhead in her ear once. I still ask her if she has another one all the time.

May 28, 2007 |

brandy

Wow. I'm pretty sure my husband and I have had that same conversation--I am not even kidding. My husband cannot go outside without succumbing to the siren call of the weeds. Once you get in the weed-pulling zone--look out!

May 28, 2007 |

Mandy

Wow. I'm pretty sure my husband and I have had that same conversation--I am not even kidding. My husband cannot go outside without succumbing to the siren call of the weeds. He totally glazes over, lost in the zen of the moment. I guess there are worse vices...

May 28, 2007 |

Mandy

Try pulling up bag after bag of English ivy to try to reclaim a backyard that would be full of possibilities if it wasn't completely covered with an invasive plant that makes an excellent mosqito sanctuary. That's what I do when I get home during the week to work out some aggression and put my head in a more peaceful, clear place. I'm not removing EVERY plant in site - just ivy and seedlings of plants that grow above nine inches. I will save every fern and violet and clover and wild berry - my preferred ground covers. My guy will pull up everything green in site that doesn't look like a blade of grass.

May 29, 2007 |

Weremonkey

Zytrec is my personal friend this time of year. We're more intimate than my husband & I.

May 29, 2007 |

FENICLE

I love weeding. I get to indulge my OCD tendencies AND make my garden healthier. Everyone wins. When I rototilled my garden space I ended up just chopping the weed roots into pieces, and each piece has been happily growing a brand new plant. I don't know what kind of plant it is, so I'm calling it the Evil Hydra Demon Weed from Hell. There's always more weedage to dig out with my bare hands (so I can feel for the root in the soil). I was out there for almost two hours after work yesterday. I just need better protection from the vicious mosquitoes (they hunt in packs, like tiny motorcycle gangs! They scoff at regular-strength Deet!).

May 30, 2007 |

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November 9, 2010 |

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Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

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Another in a long string of conversations I never thought I'd have.

Reader Comments (26)

Post a New Comment

Link an External Response

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

Some Books I'm In...

Sleep IsFor The Weak

The Best CreativeNon-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:A Celebration...

Things I LearnedAbout My Dad

Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Notes...

Let's Panic

Another in a long string of conversations I never thought I'd have.

Reader Comments (26)

Post a New Comment

Link an External Response

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

The Best Creative
Non-Fiction, Vol. 2

Kirtsy Takes A Bow:
A Celebration...

Things I Learned
About My Dad