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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Happy, new, year. | Main | It's been a long day. »
Thursday
Dec272007

And so that was Christmas.

As I was saying. Christmas, man. Wow. I am nodding thoughtfully while gazing out the window. Now I am punching my palm with my fist. I don't know why. And I'm biting my knuckles. What am I doing?

Christmas was a roaring success, but on the days leading up to it, I went about 40% too crazy for my physical health. Like, on Christmas Eve, I shouldn't have spent over seven hours in the kitchen preparing Christmas dinner. Four hours, I could have done. But not seven. Seven is too many. It leads to pains in the body and stabby stabbiness in the temples.

I'm biting my knuckles again.

Christmas, though! I was worried that Henry wouldn't experience the heartstopping joy on Christmas morning that I remembered from my long-ago youth, but all my fears were unwarranted. Just the idea that Santa showed up was almost more than he could handle. He leaped into our bed Christmas morning, and I volunteered to go downstairs and see if Santa had come. "Look at the plate of cookies," Henry instructed me. "If the cookies are eaten, that's a good sign that I got presents." Another good sign? Presents.

Anyway, as I am sure you are aware, Santa had indeed visited at some point in the night, leaving as silently as he arrived, and Henry hyperventilated at the sight of his presents in a manner that I found intensely gratifying. "I must have been really good this year," he kept saying. He was pleased with pretty much everything he unwrapped. Just the act of unwrapping was enough for him. I could have wrapped anything. His pillow, nail clippers, a tuning fork. Instant Present! Next year I will wrap each individual Lego piece.

My family came and there were more presents, and drinks, and dinner was actually edible, and best of all, my nephew Paul completed a massive Star Wars Lego project with Henry, helping him build some kind of droid army in a battleship made of over 1300 pieces, and not once was I called upon to assist. Henry would come out once in a while, grab a cookie, and then announce that he had to return to the "Trade Federation." Whatever, kid, as long as it doesn't involve me standing or moving.

One thing would have made it perfect. Scott came up with the idea of dressing as Jacob Marley for Christmas, rattling the chains he forged in life, clutching his head bandage. When someone asked him how his job was going, he was going to wail, MANKIND SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY BUSINESS WAAAIOOOOUUU. I pictured him camping it up as a spectre while my family tried to act nonchalant, and I begged him to do it. But nooo. Something about not having time to construct a costume, and he didn't really mean it, and anyway it would only be funny to us.

Bah.

Anyway, I swallowed my bitter disappointment and enjoyed myself. And now it's two days later and I can barely crawl across the room without wanting to curl up and take a leisurely twelve-hour siesta. I don’t know if it was all the hard work or the many glasses of Amaretto-Cranberry Kiss. Or both! Probably both.

Reader Comments (32)

That Kiss sounds awfully good, but have you discovered the joys of filling your coffee mug more than half full of Bailey's Irish Cream and then pouring what's essentially a coffee floater on top? First thing in the morning? Man oh man, I can't believe it took me 36 years to find this out.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
That Kiss sounds awfully good, but have you discovered the joy of filling your coffee mug more than halfway with Bailey's Irish Cream and then pouring what's essentially a coffee floater on top? First thing in the morning? Man oh man, I can't believe it took me 36 Christmases to find this out.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
Well, argh, Merry Christmas to me.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
I'd like to see him dress as Christmas Present in some sort of red and green tinselly space suit. Maybe some body piercings dangling with ornaments.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAll Adither
Sounds to me like you might just need some "Cookie" and "Peewee" snuggle therapy with Eden's pups!JulesHouse of Jules

December 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterjules
Oh my gosh! Me too! Christmas was excellent, yet I'm still here afterwards, when christmas was really "laid back" relatively speaking... and I'm feeling exhausted and I just want to nap and get away from it all. WTF is up with that????

Well, ok, the 1 year old has recently realized that speech can get her things, and my 4 year old is the descendant of a long line of people who can never shut up, so between the two of them EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TALKING and I think my head will explode.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersilvermine
It's that post-Christmas backlash. I can't even stand the thought of shopping. Not even in my beloved Target. Blech.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent
Tuning fork! That would have been forking awesome!

I didn't even cook. Or really shop. And I wrapped nothing. And yet, I just want to take long, long naps. Maybe it was something in the air. I mean alcohol?
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKristabella
My nephews were sadly jaded and unsurprised by the mountain of gifts. One even sneered at my non-electronic present of a GAME! He said to his mom "It's a gaaaaame" in a voice dripping with disgust. Ah, children. So cute.
December 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSuebob
My sister and I have discovered the glory of Christmas morning mimosas. We split a bottle of champagne between us before 11 a.m. Ahhh...go ahead and yell, kids!
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAverage Jane
Yes! Yes, me, too, with the no voice/sounding like Bea Arthur! Although I can't claim 7 hours in a kitchen I can claim about four with the knowledge of "The Big Move" (we're closing on our first house Monday) looming on the horizon.

Today I am half dead and I still have to get myself together because a whole new round is starting. *sigh*

Bring on the hot Raspberry tea! Hope you feel much, much better very soon.
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteramethystgreye
I made the mistake of kissing my nephew multiple times knowing full well that he was sick. And now I, surprisingly, am sick. But it was a good Christmas. Did you know that there's a pop-up Guide to the Star Wars Galaxy? The kid pointed it out to me with that gleam in his eye. I am torn between buying it for him because books are our friends and refusing because Star Trek is way cooler.
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDM
A 12 hour siesta isn't enough. I'm going for the big guns: a minimum of 48 hrs. I mistakenly thought that having the husband around a handful of days to help with the kids, Christmas would actually be restful. What was I thinking? Now I yearn for him to go back to work(one less child to entertain)and get back to normal, whatever that is.
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSara
Petunia ran straight to check the cookies too! She literally ran past her presents - even the giant, unwrapped "water table with boats and a lighthouse" that she had been asking for all month - to see if Santa had chowed down on some pizzelles. Oh, those kids.
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermerseydotes
Ooooh. The Kiss. Thank you. Now I know what I'm bringing to the New Year's Eve party to which I previous did NOT know what to bring.
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTC
And the food! Food and exhaustion will put you into a coma like nobody's bidness.I'm glad it was so wonderful.
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterwitchypoo
So glad Henry had a great Christmas. I remember when I was a year younger than he is now, I got up early before it was even light, was thrilled to see all the presents under the tree - which were not only for me but for the rest of the family too, unbeknownst to me - and proceeded to open ALL of them. And then for good measure I accidentally knocked over the tree. That was NOT a good Christmas!
December 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl
So much of this reminds me of childhood Christmas, with the exception of the belief in Santa. My parents didn't have the imagination to let us believe. But Legos! I used to play with Legos for hours and hours.
December 29, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterw
I have to ask...what did you decide to make for the Christmas dinner?
December 29, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLiz
what a wonderful post. Now get some rest! I loved this line, so true for the little ones!

quote: "I could have wrapped anything. His pillow, nail clippers, a tuning fork. Instant Present! Next year I will wrap each individual Lego piece.

December 30, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterVal Cox
NOW you're talking... Amaretto Cranberry Kiss... pass me one, please. :)
December 30, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterlisa
Seven hours is too long, Alice, but I know had I been hosting I too would have been in there overdoing it, under-relaxing, biting knuckles and so forth. It's just the way we feel about Jesus' birth! But glad to hear young Henry had a ball. The Crabfamily is in South Africa, among other things taking our daughter swimming in sewage (read all about it you-know-where) and otherwise engaging in exotic adventures. I know it will sound odd but I forgot about Xmas until right before the day itself. So Santa brought only one book, a small Xmas ornament (Crabtot is obsessed with ornaments), and then there was a doll from Crabgrandma. As always, she was alternately overjoyed and bored by what she got, in the manner of a 3-yr-old. One can never give too much or too little when it comes to those people. Cheers! HNY.
December 31, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterCrabmommy
This year Bossy threw herself into a Christmas Coma, sort of like a possum. Highly suggested.
December 31, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBOSSY
All I can say is, you sure do owe your nephew Paul.

My son got the same Lego from Santa and it took me over 7 hours to put that thing together!

He's beside himself with delight, and up to his eyeballs in battle droids, but my fingers were sore for 3 days.

December 31, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEmily
HAP-py New Year! I'm delurking to wish you a fantastic 2008!
January 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFold My Laundry Please

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