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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« The two-year-old: Complicated. Lovable. But most of all, psychotic. | Main | Toddlers talk funny, and sometimes we misunderstand them, to humorous effect. »

And now: we dance.

So I more or less blew off the Internet for a few days; the Internet kept calling but I was checking my caller ID and letting the machine pick up, and then Husband says to me, “You have some comments you might want to read,” and I’m all, “What, did my mom write something?,” and he’s like, “Um, no, some other people,” and then I read the comments and I cry a little and I tell my husband how much you all rock and then the Internet calls and says “Come back to me, baby,” and so here I am!

We’re indoors almost all the time these days GOD HELP US WHEN WILL IT BE SPRING which means we’re listening to a lot of music ANYTHING TO BREAK THE AWFUL, AWFUL SILENCE and Henry is forming some strong opinions IF I DON’T PLAY THE ONES HE LIKES OH GOD THE SCREAMING. Here, in no particular order, are some of his favorites.

“First of the Gang to Die,” Morrissey

Henry: First to die! First to die!

Me: I'm enjoying Morrissey’s latest album, not least of which because it’s Swiffering my brain clean of my old Morrissey associations—the hours spent listening to The Queen is Dead in the Wendy’s parking lot, staring mournfully into the distance and pondering the bleakness of my future. That said, it’s a little unnerving to listen to your two-year-old shrieking “First to die!” while leaping about in glee.

“New Slang,” The Shins

Henry: It’s the ice cream song.

Me: I’m not sure why he calls this the ice cream song, as it sounds nothing like Turkey in the Straw, or as it’s better known, “Do Your Boobs Hang Low.” (Or balls! It works both ways! That’s why it’s a classic.) Or what's that other brain-searing plinkety-plink song? It’s difficult to recall anything about ice-cream trucks when you’re buried beneath a foot of snow. Did we enjoy this "ice cream"? Were we warm, back then? Did we not wear heavy boots?

“Chimbley Sweep,” The Decemberists

Henry: [standing, transfixed, in front of the stereo] That’s good. Again. Again. Again.

Me: Apparently Henry strongly identifies with the “poor and wretched boy” of this song. Or he dreams of being an orphan. While I like the album, this song isn’t my favorite. Especially when you have to play it over and over. And over. And what the hell’s a chimbley?

“The Art of Noise,” Cee-lo Green

Henry: [Is too busy frantically boogying about the room to issue a comment.]

Me: Damn. I didn’t know anything about this here Cee-lo until my very cool brother (who owns the very cool Sound Fix) gave me a mix that included this song. I could go on at great length about this song’s joyfulness and booty-shaking-osity, but really you just need to hear it and, you know, get your freak on and so forth.

“Oh What a World,” Rufus Wainwright

Henry: [looking highly suspicious] Opera. Nooo.

Me: Okay, so this isn’t exactly one of Henry’s favorites. And Rufus is getting all operatic on our asses, it’s true. You could kind of see it coming, if you paid even a little bit of attention to his previous albums. For the record, I paid a lot of attention to Mr. Wainwright’s previous albums, as I believe that he is not only a wondrous musician but also a dreamy dreamboat. And if he ever, say, needed to crash somewhere for a few days, he could totally stay here and I would make him cocoa and brush his hair and supply him with all the heroin he requested. Or if he’s not into that anymore, that would be totally okay! More cocoa, then!

Reader Comments (60)

Thank god you're back. We missed you.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJenAtHome
So glad you're back! But Rufus will be staying at MY house, which gives him time to rethink his preference for boys in the face of my overwhelming love. I'll let you know how that goes...
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteremjaybee
I believe the Grinch escaped very nimbly up the chimbley. If that helps.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMrs. Kennedy
Hi! Hi again, hi!Hey, did I mention--HI!Glad you didn't give up on the Internet.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPsycho Kitty
She's back! She's back!


Oh, and thanks a bunch ... I'll be singing "do your boobs hang low" ALL BLOODY DAY thanks to you!

-Blue (the Thirfty Mom blog)
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenter-Blue

I hope that posting that felt like kicking the foul bastards that made you angry right in the old nutsack. That's how reading it felt for me, a swift boot right to the balls! Kick 'em again!!

Yep, I'm a mother of three. ;) Nice mouth, huh?
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterChickenFlicken
i am so glad you did not cave in to the ultra-nutzist-oids (hhm can i use a made-up word?) that are slowly but surely taking over our fine coutry. LOVE your posts. I raised 3 kids of my own, thru scanarios much like the ones you are living, and they all turned out to be fine moral self-supporting members of society. Kids are HYSTERICAL, endlessly entertaining little monsters, and if everyone would just relax and understand that, we'd all get by fine. There's too much of the "self-esteem" anxieties, and worry about getting everything perfect in today's parenting,as far as i can see. stay the course! you are a bright light in the gathering dusk.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterdenise
I am so glad to see you writing still. It felt good to me to read all those comments to your post (I almost made it through the hundreds of them!!)

I agree with Henry, the Decemberists and the Shins rock! My guy and I almost got to see Colin yesterday but the show was postponed because of the blizzard...

I love your blog and am so glad you are pushing on through! Mean people do suck. I almost loose it sometimes when I am reading your posts- you spread joy, you really do.

January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterfrecklegirl
Welcome back!

I feel like boogeying (that word looks and sounds gross. Like boogers.) around the room m'self.

Hooray for finslippy!
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie
Cocoa for everyone! Finslippy's back!

Our current preschool favorite is Elvis Costello's Less Than Zero. Hey. Ooo hey.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterErica
Glad that you are back!
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Grad Student
I so knew you were screening! Glad you're back. Hi Henry!
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBitter Betty
P-Funk, yes, good old George Clinton, is my child's favorite CD. She gets busy and declares "I'm shaking my tail feathers" as she jolts and writhers her way around the room. My two year old has also mastered the art of the thoughtful head nod to those real deep pieces.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJen
SOOOOO happy you are back! That was quite a scare.

I don't have any kids yet, but I can only hope mine turn out as indie-cool as Henry!
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterbee
Yeah! Glad you didn't let the bastages win!
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterCagey
Glad you're back.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commentervictoria
another unexpected toddler favorite: hotel yorba ~ the white stripes. i know a kid who could listen to it all night long.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermama
Thanks for that link - both my 8 & 2 year old boys love that song! The video is even better!

January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPixie
I got to see Rufus last summer (I remember summer, and weep icy tears into my cold, cold hands). He was wearing some divine sparkly flip-flops, and he was just lovely, speaking to the entire audience as if we were chums sitting down for tea.

I haven't had toddlers for 5 years, but my last toddler, who is now nearly 8, is mad for Nellie McKay.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermaurinsky
my first-grader's fave is still Lucinda Williams, Car Wheels On A Gravel Road. She is quite oblivious to the meaning of any of the lyrics and will hum blithely along with e.g. "Drunken Angel" ... I remember that she also was very fond of the Kinks' "Tired of Waiting."
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterjilbur
hey, congrats on officially winning 2nd place in the BoB's. I know we've had our ups and downs, but I still think you're funny.

p.s. don't tell any of my moronic friends that I said that though.

p.p.s. I still don't know what a finslippy is.

Cheers and good luck with the blog.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterfat dude
I could listen to Rufus all day long. yeah yeah, we're on a first name basis.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSarcastic Journalist
Woo hoo!! She's back!! Take that, you perverted slimeballs!!

Speaking of perverted, Henry singing "First to die!!" reminds me of this guy I once knew who could do a dead on Elmo impression.

He would do Elmo singing Alanis Morrisette songs.

Perverted AND funny! Now that takes some skill.
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermelhope
We were worried about you! Glad you're back. :)
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterensie
Thank you for coming back. Don't let the meanies scare you off the playground.Sarah
January 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

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