And now, a sexy story for you
September 16, 2011A couple of days ago I was getting out of the shower, and while I was changing, I noticed that I had cut the top of my toe. (Not the big toe. A lesser toe. I don't know why this detail is important.) Scott noticed it as well, or maybe I stuck my toe in his face and shouted "LOOK I AM BLEEDING PLEASE HELP" (I sometimes do this) and he said, reasonably enough, "How did you do that?"
I hesitated. Then I thought, you know what? We've been together for seventeen years. It's about time he knew this about me. "Well," I said, "I…I must have nicked it with the razor."
"The razor? But why…?"
"Because," I said. "Because I have furry hobbit toes. And I shave them."
"You ... shave your toes?" I have never seen him look more confused.
"DON'T JUDGE ME," I did not shout. But I thought it. Maybe I said it?
"It's better that you don't know too much about this," I said. "But yes."
"But I don't understand," he said, "why would you shave them?"
"As opposed to what? Waxing? Burning?"
"No," he said, "I would think you would pluck them."
And then I backed slowly out of the room, then out the door, then down the stairs, and now I don't know where I am.
No, but seriously. Pluck them? I don't even know where to start with this. Does he think I have one or two weird aberrant hairs that sprout up on my toes? I have tiny mini-forests that would sprout on every toe if I didn't maintain them. Should I not have told you that?
Perhaps the sexiest detail in this story is that I was getting ready to go to the OB/GYN. Yes, I was shaving my toes for my doctor. No reason she should have to deal with anything less than the most hairless of feet in her stirrups!
Aaaand I've just lost my last male reader. My work here is done.
Reader Comments (87)
I just wanted to thank you because I tweeted this story now "sex" related twitter accounts are following me. Hysterical!
i love you. you make me feel less alone in this world.
i have the hairiest fucking toes of anyone i know. shaving them since i was 25, i can NEVER just pop-in for an on-the-fly pedicure without assessing the...stubble today?...no, more a buzz cut?...holy hell my toes look like Cotton Hill!
i've plucked and waxed and nair'd. sometimes i think of growing it all out and just doing a soft Jolene Creme bleach on them.
All you hairy freaks are really making me appreciate how I can get away with not shaving anything. Ever. Well, I suppose the pits might raise a few eyebrows, but you can't even tell I haven't shaved my legs (or toes!) since 1993.
I pluck the hairs on my knuckles, but shave my toes.
I only shave my big toe. In hs I shaved my hands which turned into shaving half way up my forearms. I've since stopped.
Wow. I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I've seen men with hairy toes who did NOT shave them. But I never thought that women would suffer such a calamity.
I must be related to Mary's friend because I have no hair on my arms or legs except one or two mole-related hairs I have to pluck and my knees get a little elephant-looking with a bit of fuzz. On the down side, lest you covet my hairlessness, I have about ten nasty old lady warts that keep growing, including two on my face I'm going to have to get removed I think. That and I'm going to die young from a bad heart.
I'd like you to know that my best friend in high school nearly disowned me when I publicized the fact that we both shaved our big toes. So I'm with you on toe-shaving disclosure.
Now I feel a little left out because I don't shave my toes! I did not know there was such a club. My head hair is dark brown, but the body hair stayed blond, like when I was born, and not noticable. But I have taylor bunions on both feet. I think I would rather have a little dark toe hair to shave than bunions!
I've been shaving my toes for years (and that little bit on the top of the foot, sooooo glamorous) and it never occured to me that I shouldn't tell my boyfriend. Of course, we split up...
I just read this... not sure how I missed it, but anyway, main point, thank you for sharing this! I thought I was the only one who does this... I thought I was some freak of nature.... thank you a million times for making this all better!
Yay. I am so happy I'm not the only one!
That is so funny. I shave my toes as well. For the top of my feet I use hot wax. I have been married for 10 years now and I'm not sure if I have ever told my husband my secret of shaving my toes.