Actually we're decorating the tree with Legos.
December 3, 2007This weekend our dryer died, and we had to purchase a new one. We explained to Henry that the dryer would be his one and only Christmas present. He asked if he could take a tumble or two in it, and we said only on low heat.
I'm kidding! He can't fit in there. Our dryer did die, though, that part is true. Scott and I were sad, and we turned our pants pockets inside-out and walked around like that for a while, feeling sorry for ourselves. But then this morning, an editor called and offered me some money to reprint one of my posts. The fee came out to exactly as much as the dryer cost. So it seems that we'll have a Christmas after all! And maybe a little Hanukkah, as well!
I'm hosting Christmas for my family this year, and the pressure is on. My parents have always done Christmas, every year, since before Christ was born. Somehow they got Nat King Cole to sing all these festive songs about this savior who no one even knew about. My parents have powers. Anyway, I'm a little intimidated. My mother is trying to help, except by trying to help she's making me feel increasingly inadequate. A few weeks ago she brought over some Christmas-themed trays, Christmas votive-candle holders, and several decorative wreaths she fished out of her Christmas Decorative Wreath box in the Decorative-Wreath wing of her basement. Then she asked me if I wanted to use her "Christmas goblets."
"Whurrrgh?" I said.
"You know, my festive goblets. I use them for every Christmas. You're going to need those, right?"
"I kind of thought I could just use my regular wine glasses and stuff," I said.
"Oh," she said, in the tone she'd use if I said we were going to decorate our tree with steaming dog turds. "Yeah, I mean, of course you can. I just thought, you know, because they're so festive and nice. But that's fine too."
She also wanted to know if I wanted her fancy red Christmas plates. We have plates, I said, but thanks. (I mean, usually we eat out of our cupped hands, but I think we could fashion some flat-surfaced food holders from old pie tins.) Okay, but, uh, don't we want her extra-special linen Christmas tablecloth? Christmas placeholders? Christmas napkins? We're going to need Santa, too, right? Because she's got him in the basement, next to the reindeer stalls.
Believe me, I love my mom, and she has excellent taste. It's not that I don't like her stuff; it's that I don't want to have her Christmas over here. I want our own decorations, even if they're from Target. I just heard her gasp all the way from Long Island. I swear we're going to go to the store and nothing will be there. "Some woman came earlier today and cleared the place out," the baffled salesperson will tell us. "She looked a little bit like you, actually. Said something about keeping all this cheap crap away from her daughter? She wasn't making much sense."
Now she wants to know what I'm making for dinner. I'm going to tell her we're ordering in some Chinese, just to hear her head explode. Hey, my husband is Jewish, and we have to respect his traditions, too.
UPDATED TO ADD: I turned off comments because I think some people misinterpreted my statements about my mother. I was exaggerating for comic effect, like I do, and in reality (boring, boring reality) I can't wait to have Christmas here and she and the rest of my family will be thrilled with whatever I serve. I know some of the comments would hurt her feelings, and that's the last thing I want. "Merry Christmas! I got the Internet to make you cry!" It just ruins the holiday mood, you know?
Reader Comments (39)
15 slices muenster cheese1 package cream cheese1/3 cup parmesean cheese2 eggs1/4 red onion, choppedchopped garlic to taste1 10 oz package frozen spinach, thawed and drained
Mix spinach, onion, garlic, cream cheese, parmesean cheese, eggs... basically everything but the muenster.
Put a little oil or nonstick spray on your muffin tins. For each quiche, cut a slice of muenster cheese into thirds, and arrange in a basket shape in the muffin tin.
Spoon the cream cheese mixture into the muffins. Break the remaining 3 pieces of muenster into quarters, and top each muffin with a little square "hat" of cheese.
Bake at 350 until the cheese starts to brown, about 20 minutes. Cool slightly, then remove from muffin tin.
Nannie's Party Potatoes
Pumpkin Bread:1 box of Trader Joe's Pumpkin Bread (I've heard spice bread works too)1 Can of pumpkinAnd then, I usually add a egg or two, to get it to moist but still thick.
Bake 350, for about a hour (follow directions for cooking on the box).
You will notice this is not what they tell you to add on the box. Oh well, ignore that stuff, this is MUCH better.... mmmmmm.....
Looking forward to hearing more about your holiday celebrations!
1 apple1 orange (I like navel oranges, so there aren't any seeds to deal with)1 package fresh cranberries1 cup granulated sugar.
Put it all in a blender.
Trust me, better than the canned stuff, not so fancy the kids won't eat it, and even your mother will be proud.
1) Hanukkah Gelt2) Noodle Kugel3) Liver paste (Nobody in this house called it pate!)3) Chinese Food (preferably Moo Shu Pork and Sweet & Sour Shrimp -- Kosher Smosher!)4) A Movie
I feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it -- and I'm sure your mother will feel the same way.