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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« I'm still gloating. | Main | Introducing... »
Wednesday
Nov082006

A whole new world! The first three hours.

7 a.m.: The radio alarm wakes us up. NPR briskly announces that the Democrats have taken the House. I’m trembling with glee. No, wait, I’m trembling with cold. I look out the window. It’s pouring rain. The Democrats never said anything about rain.

7:08 a.m.: Once again, I can’t find my slippers. I can’t believe I thought everything was going to be different now.

7:15 a.m.: After coming down with a fever yesterday, Henry wakes up with a normal temperature and claims that he’s well enough to go to school. Thank you, Robert Menendez!

7:20 a.m.: I, on the other hand, am not feeling so hot. Thanks, Robert Menendez.

8:00 a.m.: My waffle is soggy. And I don’t even think gay marriage has been legalized yet.

9:00 a.m.: On the way into school, Henry steps right into an ankle-deep puddle. This wouldn’t have been a problem if even one of our newly appointed Democrats had reminded me to put on his rain boots.

9:05 a.m. As I hug Henry goodbye, I notice that he feels a little… toasty. I run back to my car before the Democrats can disappoint me some more.

10:00 a.m. In front of the coffee shop, it takes me about fifteen minutes to parallel park my car. People stop to criticize my poor technique. Since we moved, I’d been too afraid to even attempt parallel parking. That is, until the Democrats went into power. I just figured they would help, somehow. Of course I also thought I’d get a national health care program.

I’ve never been so disappointed in my life.

Reader Comments (44)

Haha. You and me both.

Um, Bob Casey? This coffee could be warmer.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSparklieSunShine
You should try waking up in Montana.

It's Democrat. It's Republican. We can't make up our minds!!

When the balance of the Senate comes down to how a guy who married his cousin voted, democracy has failed.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJessie
Maybe after the recount in Virginia and the Dems take the senate, they'll do something about my teething twins. Is there a number I can call?
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterThe Dad
best post ever.

(you know, besides all the other ones.)
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermelissa f.
Dang you're funny.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAngela
That does totally explain why my dog refused to poop on her walk this morning, I had to stop at the ATM because I had no cash and I was late to work this morning. Darn it, why I did I have to vote down the party line?
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterThe Dutchess of Kickball
I poked a hole in my toe while putting my lawn signs away. Hell, two years ago I didn't think I'd ever put up a lawn sign. Stupid politics.

Some good it did. We still have the Shorts-on-later for Governor.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKarianna
Well, I woke up in Tennessee, which is still homophobic in the self-congratulatory way that a Bible Belt state can be. Only now, we have the 81% vote to prove it on the idiotic constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. While I'm happy that so many Dems won their races, I'm sick that we remained in the Dark Ages on this issue.

Your theory about problem-solving linked to election victories/defeats, however, explains why my coffee was extra bitter, I forgot my lunch, and my "fat" pants are just a little too tight this morning. ;o) At least something makes sense!

November 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commentercbahm
AND, rumor has it that Rumsfeld is stepping down. This could just be the Best Day Ever.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commentercandace
I woke up this morning in sunny Wisconsin, a state with a Democratic Governor & Senator (yeah!) but a Republican Attorney General (militantly Republican, no less) and a constitutional ban on civil unions. I just want to know who were the voters that walked into the booth and said "Governor? I'll go dem. Attorney General? Let's try the right wing. Senator? Dem again. Civil Unions? Kill the bastards--because I can also cast my vote to reinstate the death penalty in our state for the first time in over 150 years." I can't get my mind around how this can make sense to someone.

Aaagh *sigh* - some things never change.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJulie
Man. Who can I blame my cold toes on? Candidates here? Paint their own campaign signs on weathered barn doors and prop them up with rusty rain barrels. I kid you not.
In among all the hoopla about the US elections, the number one story on the BBC in the UK this morning was (you're not going to believe this) Britney Spears divorce.

I'm glad I live outside of the US - at least we had a stupid celebrity story to watch over our cornflakes instead of teams of republican lawyers getting to prove that black is white, and that they won even thought they had less votes (again).
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJonathan
Oh, no Johnathan, it was the number one story in the US too. Believe you me, we have our priorities straight in this country. And I am thanking Nancy Pelosi for the end of the abomination that was Spederline.

Well done, Dems, well done.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAngela
The Dems caused this rain? Bastards. And after all i did for them on my ScanTron yesterday.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMir
Oh, Alice. I really needed that, after spending the morning refreshing madly to see if my beloved flat-topped, seven-fingered Tester had managed to oust Burns in Montana. Thankfully, he has triumphed.

Oh, and Jessie? I've only had one instance in my long-in-Montana family of a cousin trying to marry a cousin, and that was totally OK because they weren't related by blood, only by marriage, and they ended up breaking it off anyway. ;)
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNicole
It's like your morning was one big dimpled chad!
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterStar Shine
Brilliant!
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDeanna
I can't tell if you're kidding or serious. I must be losing my touch!

I'm a little depressed the Democrats are in high power now.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDana
i put this up there with 'a modest proposal' as one of the great works of our time.

okay, well, i mean, it made me laugh lots, that gets points...
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermainja
Nicole, I live in the Flathead and you would be amazed at the folk that come down from the Canyon, Olney and Polebridge! W@lm@rt on Saturdays are usually a fun time to people watch.

Native Montanan here too but I chose to marry outside my bloodline...not that I didn't have offers... ;-)
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJessie
Um, Democrats? I thought I'd be pregnant by now. Please advise.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterchirky
Nothing clever or insightful to say, just that this post was one of the funniest things you've ever written. Just wonderful.

And really, Bob Menendez? Glad you're still in office, but what's with all this rain?
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterTamar
The dems also allowed me to spill 19 of the 20 ozs of steaming hot Starbucks I got this morning on the driver's side seat of my one month old car.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMitch McDad
Well Canada woke up a whole lot happier too but just like you, I haven't noticed a difference yet. Maybe tonight.
November 8, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermotherbumper
Is Robert Menendez related to the Menendez brothers?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyle_and_Erik_Menendez

because that's who I thought of.

and what do soggy waffles have to do with gay marraige. JUST WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY HERE. :)

November 8, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith

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