A few words about writing.
September 1, 2008I've been thinking a lot lately about the creative process. Partly because Scott has started this amazing project, after years of talking about it but not doing much of anything. The one thing harder than starting is starting after years of talking about starting. Talking can kill the urge to create. So I'm sort of dying of pride, over here, while my husband works and works and keeps working, like he's a professional. I am a little in awe.
I've also been thinking about it because a reader (hi Sharon!) recently expressed surprise that I struggle with writing. I'm a little embarrassed to even share that with you, because it's kind of ridiculously flattering. It's also woefully inaccurate. So I wanted to reiterate to her, and you guys, that writing is a struggle for me, and always will be. It's the nature of the game. It's always hard, especially if you're doing it right. You're always aspiring to be better than you are, so no matter how much experience you get, it's always an uphill battle. Always, always, always.
Not to mention that whole "inner critic" hooha that anyone creative has to deal with. I am amazingly accomplished at beating myself up. I tell myself I'm too old, that all really talented writers were published much earlier than I ever was, that I don't have enough publications under my belt, that I should have written my novel when I got out of graduate school, that there are X number of writers who left my writing program when I did who are all on their second or third or seventh novel while I'm still not even a third of the way finished with a short story collection. I tell myself blogs are useless, that this site is a waste of time that's taking away from my Precious Writerly Resources. Or I tell myself that I'm just a blogger, as if blogging is somehow less relevant, so I shouldn't bother writing anything else. I tell myself that because I don't have large expanses of time to work I'm never going to reach my full potential. Or just decide that I suck and everyone who hates me is right and I'm never going to blah blah blah blah BLAH. It's a miracle that I get anything done, I'm so busy giving myself a hard time.
But everyone does this. This is how the mind works to stop you from writing. Creating is scary, and your brain wants you to run from scary things. For some reason it forgets about the rewards that come from risk. The brain will also do this for painting, or dancing, whatever creative work you do. I also draw and paint (in an extremely amateurish fashion, mind you) and I've been finding all sorts of reasons not to do either these days. The light in my dining room isn't quite right. I need better materials. My sketchbook is either too large or too small. There's nothing good to draw in my house, and I don't want to leave the house to draw because then people will look at what I'm doing. I can't remember how paints work. Watercolor paper is expensive and don't I need to stretch it, or something? Also my brushes aren't right. I have numerous excellent reasons for never attempting to create any artwork ever again.
Then yesterday I sat down and, while my brain screamed NO! DON'T! STOP!, I sketched for an hour. I sketched my cat, and my foot. Exciting, no? It was crappy and I did some terrible work. When I was done that voice in my head had been reduced, temporarily, to a mouselike squeak. And I felt like a superhero.
The only way to win over that voice is to work despite it. Doing stuff is always better than not doing stuff. Period.
Here's an inspiring talk on creativity by Ira Glass that another lovely reader (hi Erin!) sent me.
In a similar vein comes this anecdote from Art and Fear—which is a brilliant piece of work, by the way, chock full of quotables. A ceramics class is divided into two groups. The first group is graded on quantity: it doesn't matter how good their stuff is, just how many pounds of work they end up with. The second group is graded on quality: it didn't matter how few pots they create, just how perfect the final product is. Can you guess who ends up doing the best work? It's the quantity group: the students who churned out work day after day and learned from their mistakes. Meanwhile, the quality group had wasted time mulling over how they could achieve perfection, so by the end of the class they had "little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay."
It's all about working and working and working some more, no matter how crappy you think it is. You are never the best judge of your work, so shut up and work and don't stop to wonder why it's not a masterpiece. Remember what Voltaire said: "The perfect is the enemy of the good." He probably wrote that after spending an hour whining about how he'd never be as important an Enlightenment figure as that fathead Rousseau .
Don't sit and agonize over how you're not good enough. Don't leave yourself with a pile of dead clay. Start and keep going; if you stop, start again, and keep going.
Reader Comments (102)
Thanks so much for this. I'm actually at the precipice of some major changes, all designed to make it so that I start living a more creative life professionally. I've got all of those not-good-enough-not-creative-enough-too-old gremlins going on in my head now as well, so reading this is just what I needed.
Thanks again.
K.
And perfection can kiss my BUTT. I spent too many years of my life chasing that figment.
Love Ira Glass - did you know that his cousin is Philip Glass?
I feel the same way about sewing that you describe with your painting and drawing. It's so hard to just get going, but once you do, you're reminded why you love it. Actually, I also have always felt that way about exercise, too (there's a million things in life for which this is a truism, those are just the biggest for me).
I consider myself a writer, though I'm not a professional writer. But there's no question in my mind that blogging counts as writing. For someone like you, who is doing it as a career, I can understand why you question the worth of blogging, though I think your blog is more than worthwhile. The more you write, the better you get at it. You need someplace to do that where you're not thinking about whether or not you can get it published, don't you think? Someplace you can just take your writing in any direction you want...someplace that's more for you, but where you still get feedback? I think that's the best thing about blogging.
Anyway, thanks for another great post. I love your blog and have gotten you at least a couple more readers through raving about you to friends, so I certainly hope you continue to fight that voice telling you that it's a waste of your time.
But I can't believe I'm almost forty and I haven't gotten my novel published yet. When I was 23 I told myself I'd have a book published by 27. Ha! I'm now 39 with some short stories published in literary journals and some blog entries on the internet and that is it. But, at least it's something.
The solution to this? Buy stuff to make my girls quilts. *I* may not be able to convince myself to get started, but they do a fine job of nagging me until I don't give a damn about getting the pieces straight, I just want QUIET!
I made a slightly crooked pillow last night to get myself started (I also have a sewing machine phobia) and I feel great! I actually can't wait to get started on the first quilt. And if it isn't perfect? My girls are going to tell me how wonderful it is anyway. Which is way better than hearing that their mom was gonna make them this cool quilt, but she never did.
I did NaNoWriMo twice as a way to silence that "inner editor," but I felt it was nothing more than time wasted. Fun, kind of, in a gonzo sort of way, but I still would up with 50,000 words of nothing.
And, also, thank you for the Ira Glass clip. TAL and Ira Glass are awesome. And so are you. Thanks for the inspiration and thanks for your writing. Finslippy is my favorite blog.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some deadlines to set.
Edit it later, preferably a few days later, and you'll be surprised at what you've been able to wring from a keyboard and your wits.
This is now on a sticky on my desktop (well, my Dashboard, but whatever). Though much of my work is not what people would call creative, I treat it as such. (I write medical articles, and I'm a scientist who finds data analysis to be a creative activity in many ways--there are the same starts and stops and bursts of insight that I get in my writing.)
Every time I look back at my blog months or years later I'm surprised by the eloquence of it, though I felt like it was stream-of-consciousness with some obsessive revision at the time. What's cobbled together always comes out better than I think it will. I should write more.
You know, finding reasons to put off painting, drawing, and writing may be manifests of your depression. Maybe a good way to fight it would be doing just what you did and sit down and make yourself do it. Who cares if it's crap? The point is to let it out so it doesn't stagnate.
This post could also apply to my diet and exercise. If I don't do it on Monday, I won't do it the rest of the week. Maybe just getting it done some days is better than not getting it done at all?