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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Video: Will you just submit, already? | Main | ...And all manner of things shall be well* »

A dog and his first cone: sadder than you could possibly imagine

Charlie: Hey? Hey. Heeey?

Cone, #2

Me: Oh, dear. How shall I put this? You have a…

Charlie: [quiver quiver]

Me: …a butt situation. It's not fatal! It is, however, incredibly disgusting.

Charlie: I don't know what means 'fatal'! Sounds bad, hey. But why is this on me?

Me: The cone is there to protect you from yourself. You're not supposed to lick the… unspeakable area. It's infected. It's got to… to drain. [Heave.]

Charlie: I see. I can't tend to my belowthere. Tail droop.


Me: I know. We have to wait a few days and then we might need to…

Me: Never mind. You'll get used to this cone before you know it. Promise!



Charlie: HEY. I was okey-dokey with the cone but what is this giant-cone bullcrap? I'm sorry for the bad language.

Me: You were still…getting to there. You're quite flexible, turns out. We needed a larger cone to keep you out of the region.


Charlie: But look. Hey. HEY. No. I can't see and I keep getting stuck.


like this…


and then…

I think I'm…




Me: I know. I'm sorry, honey. You're already deaf and mostly blind and the cat is out to get you.


Izzy: HA HA HA HA. I can murder him now, right? Come on, he's no good to you. Plus I see the towels all over the place. He's leaking awful on your stuff. Let me swipe him. Let me SWIPE HIM TO SLEEP.

Me: Back off, cat.

Charlie: [quiver]


Reader Comments (24)

Ha! Just wait, he'll turn the corner on the cone and start to use it as a battering ram--at least that's what our ancient dog did when she had to wear one.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersweet

Oh this was positively hilarious! Especially because we just went through this with our dog less then two weeks ago. She had the giant elizabethan collar around her due to a toenail incident(she somehow went out to pee but came back in with one split down the middle to the bottom. expensive little accident). She not only was able to contort herself to where she could reach the pulled nail, she also took to bashing herself against any wall or piece of furniture she could to try and remove it.

We gave up and took it off of her for we'd rather she lick the toenail area then break her neck. Luckily after 24 hrs of freedom she was so pleased by it that she gave up on bothering her injured area.

And the cat in the photo? Awesome. One of our cats was torturing our dog as well when she had the collar one. He clearly saw her as fair game, and also a bit ridiculous looking. I'm sure him and his brother were laughing in private.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCharli

Oh my - funny and tragic. My dog Lucy is a veteran of the "cone of shame" - I think you may have channeled her thoughts: "I see. I can't tend to my belowthere. Tail droop." Priceless!

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristina

Poor Charlie!!
Here's to only cone-free days ahead...
At least he got fancy fabric covered little guy just had the plain plastic...and have you seen the new-fangled blow up ones? They at least look more comfortable, but that's probably not saying much.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

That is quite possibly the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Poor Charlie! Watch out for Izzy.

March 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Poor little guy! I think he needs to have his cone decorated all fancy. I'm sure the cat has some suggestions.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJadzia@Toddlerisms

I really did laugh out loud. And not just the stupid "lol" everyone puts. I did. For real. This was funny as hell. Poor dog.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mommy Psychologist

the dreaded cone of dooooooooooom! my cats have had a variety of reactions to them over the years. one did like charlie, getting "lost" and stuck in corners all over the house (while we tried not to la.. hell, we laughed!). one was terrified and just froze (i took it off and just monitored him). one would lower himself and walk around with belly skimming the floor. and one completely ignored it and went about her business as if it weren't there at all.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterwendy

I think maybe the only thing that can console Charlie now is to set his bowl of dog food before him and to tell him that he can now, without doubt, for the perhaps first time in his life ... eat in complete privacy!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiriam

"Swipe him to sleep," OMG. It's wrong to laugh at another person's dog's misfortune, I know. It must be awful. BUT SO FUNNY. But awful. I am a terrible person.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKathy

My three-year-old was looking over my shoulder and asked, What's on that dog's head? So I explained. Now she is trying to see whether she can lick her own bum. Just thought you might want to know.

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

That is so funny! Poor little fellow!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFad

Aww, poor baby!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDesignerMama

what happen to Charlie?what's on his neck for? oh! poor dog!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMari Needs a Sitter

Ohhh boy. I'm eating Indian leftovers for lunch. And now my nose is burning from snorfling up everything because I was laughing.SO. HARD. Thanks for making my day. And of course I hope Charlie is better soon too! :-)

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

I had one of the plastic ones for my dog until I realized he couldn't eat or drink with it on - and of course couldn't get on the couch. So I got the inflatable one which for his little corgi-sized body meant I had to get the large because he has a freakishly large neck apparently. He looked like he was ready to go boating at any moment. But he learned to use it as a pillow when napping. Now, he uses a pillow when he naps so the tube not only kept his hot spotted rear safe it taught him a new "trick".

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy in StL

Lol! Oh poor Charlie! These pictures are so hilarious though. I'm sure he will feel much much better in the long run after his poor glands have had a chance to drain themselves... Here's hoping for a speedy recovery Charlie!

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFood Freak Frank

Oh, the cone of shame. We know it well. Ours made sounds like this:

clickity clackity (happy claws walking) CLUNK (cone getting wedged somewhere)

Which was often followed by a very pathetic sounding:

"Whimper, whimper!"

On the plus side for us is the fact that our dog is now, erm... on the plus side. She can get anywhere near those regions anymore, because she can't get out of the way of herself.

Sending get well wishes from Schmoopy to Charlie. :)

March 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWombat Central


March 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLIB

I'm glad he is now able to attend to his area, but this post had me laughing out loud:

"Charlie: I see. I can't tend to my belowthere. Tail droop."

Thank you.

March 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

I had to come back to this blog post (cuz it's about Charlie) to say what a delight it was this morning at breakfast to turn the page of my Ladies' Home Journal (April 2012) and see an article by YOU! That was all about Charlie!! So funny! Thanks for the smile first thing in the morning!

March 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

It's probably not nice, but I just laughed a whole bunch at this post. Thanks :-)

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTabatha

I don't like the way they dressed or treated the dog. Even though it looks funny or ridiculous. We all know that this such thing would affects to the emotion of our dogs.

March 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpet food

the dog seems uncomfortable with the cone. Anyway what is your purpose of putting it on him?

April 18, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdog food

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