Home - Top Row


Home - Bottom Row

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Henry’s first post. | Main | Giving credit where credit is due. »


Now that I am two months into Four, I am learning all sorts of things about this fascinating creature.

Whereas Two and Three can be easily distracted from any complaint or demand, Four lets go of nothing. Four forgets nothing. Four wants to sit with me at the end of the day and review my parental failures. “You shouldn’t have given me a banana with my lunch last week,” Four wants me to know. “And you promised not to take off Band-Aid even when it was hanging off but then you pretended your hand slipped and it just came off by itself. That was not true.” Then he gives me a thumbs down.

Four is onto me. And you. Don’t you give him that look.

Four is also terrified of everything. Oh, he’ll act like a tough guy, insisting that some cartoon meant for the 6-and-up set doesn’t scare him. Do not believe him, readers, because before you know it Four will be unable to stay in a room by himself, and will have to walk everywhere in front of you, pressing his back against your thighs, because otherwise the zombies he saw for 2.5 seconds on the Nicktoons Network might get him.

Or maybe this is Four and Two Months talking; maybe by the third month he’ll be pleased with me again, and fearless enough to, say, sit in a room without being curled up in a fetal position on my lap as he berates me for my shortcomings.

(Also: there's a new post at Wonderland today.)

Reader Comments (36)

Oh dear lord. I'm at 3.2 now, and was hoping for some palliation in the near future. The best part: when #1 will hit 4.2, #2 will enter terrible two. Glory, glory, hallelujah.
December 10, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterShiri
5.0 is better than 4 already - and thank God, because seriously, I was ready to ask 4 to take it outside!!

Hang in there.
December 10, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNaughty Heather
At four, Miss Ella learned how to write "Bad Mama".
December 10, 2006 | Unregistered Commenteroyabakamama
Well... maybe... but my 5 and a half is still pretty good at remembering my wrongs!
December 10, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMommyWithAttitude
Oh, yes, the "fearful fours." Mine was sometimes scared to go into a room by himself, especially if the light wasn't on. Or he'd be scared of something on TV - a Clifford episode about "Whiffy the Skunk Ghost" made him scared to go to sleep for weeks. He also didn't play an outdoor game at preschool called "going on a bear hunt" because he thought it was scary. His Abiyoyo book, which is about a monster, was too scary to read. And there was a Raffi CD he woudn't listen to, one because it had a Halloween song about a witch.

It'll pass, all phases do...
December 11, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlynn
4.7 lets me know before he goes to sleep that he will have a bad dream and must come to our bed.

4.7 whines that his legs, arms, head hurt all the time! That's why he can't get dressed.

2.0 decides instead of peeing in the potty, he will walk naked into his room and pee on the newly opened package of diapers instead. Take that diapers!
December 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterErika
I thought my 2 1/2 year-old already had my parenting under a microscope. If this is 4, I'm going to have to shape up.
December 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJonathon
What I remember most about 4's is the constant talking and questioning. Yak, yak, yak. Everything that pops into their brains comes out the mouth. Hush already.
December 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEllen
Two months: burbling, smiling, dozing with her mouth on my tit, screaming because her diaper's wet or she's hungry or she's bored or she's going to grow half an inch tomorrow.

How I love her.

(Hi, Alice, it's Emily W. '91: had no idea this was you! Hello hello!)
December 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKrapsnart
Oh.....4.2-those were the days my sweets! You think 4.2 doesn't let go of things, 6.0 doesn't forget ANYTHING, calls you on the smallest of things and has the wit and sarcasm of an makes me shudder to think that it could get worse. 4.2 slammed doors, but 6.0 slams them harder! 4.2 could argue very well, 6.0 can not only argue, but debate you and WIN! 4.2 remembers the smallest of details and recalls them as if they were in a rolodex, 6.0 can not only recall them with details, but point out where you went wrong and what you SHOULD'VE done to make the situation better (and what you were wearing at the time in question!). 4.2 could still sit on your lap without breaking your legs or be picked up and readily hugged, 6.0 runs when he sees you at school and pretends to not know you, gets embarassed that SOMEONE might be watching if you sneak a kiss, and already comes up to your armpit! I am sure once I hit 7.0 I will long for the 6.0 version! I think I am more worried about 2.1 right now, you'd think that I'd be seasoned, as 6.0 has broken me in.....but 2.1 is a beast-all I ever heard was how EASY girls were....BAH! 2.1 has balls-is absolutely fearless-blatently ignores me and laughs when I get angry-the 2.1 male version was a joy, a cake walk-he was my shadow, my best bud-listened to me! 2.1 hugs on me and loves on me, but goes out of her way to piss 6.0 off-2.1 thinks it's her job to correct all of 6.0's wrong doings.......which sends 6.0 into a mad, head spinning, screaming mess......but what does 2.1 do..........2.1 LAUGHS!I think I have my work cut out for me......when does 34.9 get a child-free vacation?? Anyone know?
December 13, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonster Mama
Thanks for the head's up! My Sweetie will be 4 next week. She's had a good run of it the last 2 or 3 months - but I can see her changing already. And not really for the better - even despite the warnings that Santa is watching. Woe is me. :(
December 13, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>