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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Ten days

As in, we're moving in ten days. Only ten days.

We were going to leave sooner, but it made more sense to wait a few more days. It's not easy to wait. Henry can't sleep. Every night the people above his room commence the most unbelievable racket. It's not just stomping or shouting or dropping the occasional, I don't know, small appliance. This sounds like they're playing Toss the Furniture every night. Slam the Moped on the Linoleum. We turn on a fan and play music in his room, but half the time we have to sit with him until he falls asleep. It takes a while.

The rational part of me thinks we're perfectly safe here for the time being, but the primitive scaredy-cat part is screaming GO GO WHATAREYOUDIOTSWAITINGFOR. The other night, after Scott had gone to bed, someone knocked on the door. It was 11 pm. I crouched on the other side, listening, frozen, bathed in cold sweat. They kept knocking. Fortunately it wasn't loud enough for the dog to hear, because he would have come running, which would have alerted the entire household. Just me and someone on the other side of the door, rapping quietly.

I realize this probably wasn't someone coming to kill us all. Nor was the plumber, who came knocking at around noon, a few days ago. I was in the bathroom and heard Scott answer the door. Then nobody said anything. Immediately my brain decided he was in trouble. Silent, puzzling trouble. And again, with the cold sweat! All over my body! But it was just the (odd) plumber, who thought we had a problem (we did not; he had the wrong door) but instead of saying something, decided to stand there and stare.

It's been cold out. This is good. When it's cold out the people in the building don't congregate on the stoop. They don't run in and out of the building, shouting and slamming doors. Ten more days. I don't care if it snows. Let it.

Reader Comments (39)

Sending you Newfoundland spring weather. That'll keep those bestids off the stoop.

Hang tough. The one digit countdown has begun.
May 12, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDawn
I so have 'Major Tom' stuck in my head now.
May 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermelanirae
I cannot wait to hear about your wonderful new place. I hope that its calm and peaceful. ANd maybe you'll give us the decorating story on your new place too. Either way, I can't wait to hear that you're there and all is well.
May 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKatie
I live beneath (actually very lovely) people who like to stay up all night making sure the gravity in their flat is still working.

I lie awake and imagine a comedy stand-up skit: WHAT YOUR UPSTAIRS NEIGHBOURS ARE REALLY DOING. I picture a man on stage with a set of lounge furniture, plus bowling-balls, power tools, ball-bearings, clogs and so on, having fights with his armchair, scraping the floor with a fork, etc. I have to laugh, otherwise I'd punch someone. Hope your move comes soon for you. x
May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAntonia
That is really creepy...the quiet knocking. I couldn't stand it. My imagination runs away. I hope that this time passes quickly and safely.
May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKassi
That quiet knocking is...super creepy. Like, SUUUUUPER creepy. Time to decamp before you are all murdered in your beds.
May 14, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterVMT
I have a sporting notion -- why don't you try and move -- carrying everything by hand -- during the 5th Avenue Street Fair? I would film it for you.

I say this as someone who had the bright idea to move out of an apartment on Greene Street in SoHo on a snowbound Saturday afternoon two weeks before Christmas.
May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNotFace
I am everso sorry that my comment will be unhelpful but... Are you sure you want to stay in the same building...? I know the neighborhood, i'm sure you could find an apartment in one of the brownstones. Of course i don't know how cheap your current place is and money obviously does matter... But so does peace of mind and your son's (and your!) sleep. It just sounds like where you are is. just. bad.

Again, I am sorry I'm not helping. Moving is a nightmare and so are brokers, blech. But at least it's a very temporary nightmare.
May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaterina
Living in scary places builds character, so does cleaning out the stuff in the back of the fridge. At least, that's what my mom tells me
May 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee
5 days left, right? COUNTDOWN. Unless that adds unnecessary pressure, in which case I was never here...
May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKate
So if you want to, you know, let us know you're still alive or anything... you know how we worry...
May 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTracy
Glad I am reading this 6 days after it was written. Cannot fathom the weight of the worry. Here's to a strong wind blowing this stuff far and away for the days that remain.
May 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteramanda
That is so funny about the plumber! My brother in law is a plumber, and that is exactly what he does! Also, super long pauses during a sentence, I am constantly interrupting him because I think he is finished. Good luck with your move.
May 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
Why on earth would you move to such a sketchy place?
May 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMochi Fanta

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