Irreverent. Curious. Vaginas.
July 27, 2009Our good friend David Farley recently held a launch party for his book An Irreverent Curiosity. The book is about Farley's adventures in and around Calcata, Italy, a bizarre village famous for once housing a holy relic: the foreskin of Jesus. In the mid-80s, the Holy Foreskin mysteriously disappeared. Farley spent a year in Italy searching for the story behind its disappearance. (It's an amazing book, by the way. It tore me away from Infinite Jest, which is not easy to do these days.)
Anyway. Back to the party! Farley and his wife Jessie—who, incidentally, was my friend way before Farley entered the scene—are friendly with Paulina Porizkova, the supermodel/writer/lovely human being, and she was also at the party. If you've been reading Finslippy for any length of time, you might remember my mentioning that Paulina's mom had been one of my midwives and had, in fact, delivered Henry. The last time I met Paulina, a few years ago, I shared this information with her. Then I got tongue-tied and couldn't think of anything else to talk about, so I backed away, waving and apologizing.
This time I felt a little more confident. Maybe it was all the wine? Hard to say. I suggested to Scott that we talk to her, and he turned this beautiful shade of lavender-gray. I couldn’t hear what he was saying but his mouth was moving frantically. I leaned in. He seemed to be pleading with me not to make him go over there.
"Aw," I said. "You're adorable! Let's go—I'll ask her if I can get her picture with you."
"No no no no," he whisper-shrieked. So cute!
"Oh, come now. At least we can say hello! Remember, her mom was my midwife. It's like we're related."
"I am not talking to Paulina. I had her poster on my bedroom wall. I… no. I will not talk to her."
But we were pushed inexorably forward by the party-tide, and soon we were abutting her circle. Then Paulina turned to us. And said hello.
Before I knew what I was doing I was reminding her that her mother had delivered my son Henry, and then I was showing her my iPhone pictures of Henry, and she was appreciating the pictures in a way that someone who has kids knows they're supposed to do. Scott was smiling and smiling some more. Also waving. But at least not apologizing, which I thought was a step forward for us as a couple. We're learning to socialize! It's never too late, kids!
I decided I was going to regale her with our favorite midwife story, which was when Scott accompanied me to a visit and I complained of yeast infections and Paulina's mom directed me never to wash my vagina with soap. (It was funny at the time.) (You had to be there.) As I was talking I realized that in order to communicate the hilarity of this story, which was not all that funny in the retelling of it, I had to 1) impersonate Paulina's mother, and 2) use the word "vagina" an awful lot. And then I became increasingly self-conscious at how much I was saying "vagina" and how the Czech/Swedish/Vampire accent I was affecting sounded a lot like I was just imitating Paulina, and not in a flattering way. I was horrified for me. Paulina looked concerned, but to her credit, she was not scanning the room for possible exits. I don't think Scott noticed what was happening, because while I yammered on he was sketching Paulina on a napkin.
To my credit, I ended the story quickly and also kept myself from telling Paulina how many stitches her mom had put in my hoo-ha. (That's polite code for "vagina.") Actually I never would have done that, because I don't really know. Maybe Paulina knew? Damn it, I should have asked her.
Miraculously, our new best friend managed to steer the conversation over to a more socially acceptable subject, for which I will be forever grateful. For the next twenty minutes or so we talked about our favorite books. The specific question she asked, which I think is kind of brilliant as a party conversation-topic-when-the-other-people-are-definitely-insane, is a three-parter. 1)What's the book you wish you had written? 2) What book do you read when you want something comforting and familiar? And 3) What book do you think everyone should read?
In response, Scott squeaked something about Noam Chomsky, and then he pulled his shirt over his head and flailed his arms about, shouting, "I'm a headless robot!" Or was that something Henry did this morning? At any rate, Noam Chomsky was mentioned. My responses were 1) To the Lighthouse, because I wanted to impress Paulina, 2) Anything by Laurie Colwin, because it's the truth, and 3) The Master and Margarita, because I wanted to impress Paulina. I'm going to have to think about what my real answers to 1 and 3 would be. The impressing-Paulina choices weren't far off, I think. I'm just glad I didn't say "The Big Book of Vaginas!" or "O, Vagina" or something equally off-kilter.
So. What would your books be?
Reader Comments (107)
Okay. #1 Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters. #2 Madeleine L'Engle's A Ring of Endless Light. #3 Christopher Moore's Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
I am a very spiritual vagina. I mean PERSON.
These are totally awesome questions, btw.
2. and 3. Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott
I turn to Catcher in The Rye for comfort.
And everyone should read
The Cave, by Jose Saramago
Great questions.
1. The Poisonwood Bible (Kingsolver)2. East of Eden (Steinbeck)3. East of Eden again. Or All the King's Men. Or Animal Farm. Oh god, I wasn't supposed to think about it this hard...
2. Wow... I don't even know. I don't tend to ever reread books. Except now that I think of it, BLACK BEAUTY by Anna Sewell. I did read that book about 7 times growing up. Maybe a reread would bring me comfort.
3. BLINK, by Malcolm Gladwell to learn something interesting about that wild brain of ours, and Toni Morrison's BELOVED because it changed my life.
Wow... lengthy answers. Someone over here gets a little too excited about books.
My favorite book to reread The Waterboy, by Gary Reiswig. My description can't do it justice. It's the first - and only - book I've ever read. When I first read it, I had a borrowed copy. I wouldn't have returned it had I known that I'd be spending the next 15 years scouring used book stores and yard sales to find it. (I finally found it on Abe's Books website.) I don't know why I think this, but I believe a mother who has sons, or woman who is the only girl among lots of brothers, would enjoy reading it.
Everyone should read the Amelia Bedelia books. My experience is that no matter how dated they are (her uniform! her hairpins!), they are always funny. And enjoying truly funny writing is one of the best parts of reading, I think.
2) I don't tend to reread books much, actually, so I don't think I have one here.
3) Can I choose three? Well, no one's stopping me.
The Girls - Lori Lansens -- just really great character development and great writing and one of my favourite books, which is saying a lot
Crisis - Mitchell Gold -- it's a series of stories written by people who are gay in America and whether you agree or disagree with being gay, you should read it because it really makes you think
Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand -- if you can make it through. it totally changed my political views and made me much smarter.
1) Paladin of Souls by Lois McMaster Bujold2) Anne of Green Gables3) Pippi Longstocking, for the same reason as Sarah cited Amelia Bedelia above. Silly, funny, joyous, and unapologetic.
2) "The Clan of the Cave Bear" series, by Jean AuelI don't think it would be particularly comforting for everyone, but I know it so well it's like visiting an old friend. I don't even read every page now, I just read every other page. (And skip all the stuff about plants. I don't need to read all the medicinal properties of Foxglove, again.)
3) Neal Stephenson's "Quicksilver"/"Confusion"/"System of the World" trilogy. Very densely written historical fiction, but full of really cool historical stuff that you would never have believed could have been made cool. ... That sentence really sucked, but I hope you get what I mean. :)
2. I don't re-read, usually. But I recently re-read Charlotte's Web and I loved it.
3. One Hundred Years of Solitude, it's one of the few books that I purposely stopped reading for a day about 20 pages from the end, because I was devastatingly sad that I wouldn't get to read it forever.
1. The Fountain Overflows, Rebecca West2. Maggie-Now, Betty Smith3. East Of Eden, John Steinbeck. I'm pretty sure I would have said that even if Susie hadn't already.
Anything by Canadian author Alice Munro. Google her. She's incredible.
I'll wait for you....
See? Didn't I tell ya? Now go tell someone else.
What book do you read when you want something comforting and familiar? And
"The Color Purple."
What book do you think everyone should read?
"The Grapes of Wrath." You will never look at the American poor, farming, or capitalism the same way. Seriously - this book will make you volunteer for shit.
#2: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the whole series, but especially book #1)
#3: Hmmm, lots of possiblities. I was always drawn to Roald Dahl's books as a kid, so I would probably have to say Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as a must read for all.
1) Wish I had written: Anything by Mark Leyner or Donald Barthelme.2) Find comfort in The Secret History, by Donna Tartt. Read over summer break in college and felt every molecule of the setting and story giving the finger to my life at the time.3) Everyone should read: What is the What? by Dave Eggers, if only for gnawing sense that art can better where humans do poorly.
I wish I had written the Twilight books because they aren't that complex or contain particularly clever writing so I think I COULD HAVE DONE THAT and then I would be a MILLIONAIRE Mormon SAHM instead of just a Mormon SAHM. :)
I love reading and rereading Coming Home by Rosamunde Pilcher. I just love it, it is comfy to me.
Everyone should read The People's History of the United States (well, if you live in the U.S.)
Hoo-ha, such a gentle way of saying vagina! :)