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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Now she's writing to a month. Oh dear me. | Main | Sick Day #3 »
Thursday
Mar132008

Day of Sicknesse.

Thank the good Lord, the miracle elixir has worked its magic upon our boy's dreaded Scarlette Feverre! Junior was his usual sprightly self this morning, jumping about upon his bedsheets, calling for breakfast and for his relieved mother to "smell [his] butt." With pleasure, my son! Okay, not really.

Mercifully, I seem to have escaped the foul pestilence that sickened my son. Father, I am sorry to say, has not fared as well. His eyes are rheumy and red-rimmed; he is racked with aches; there is much coughing and horking and cries of despair, bless him. The medicines still have not taken effect on his person. O! Why has he, among all of us, been so forsaken? I suspected it is his Jewisness, but the man won't convert, stubborn fool!

Tomorrow, I strap on my rucksack and venture forth to find medicinal herbs. I have heard there are some to be found in the Meadowlands.

Reader Comments (19)

I wouldn't dance the Snoopy dance just yet. Strep throat has an incubation period of 5 days, so you're not out of the woods yet. I myself have just completed my third dose of the miracle drug amoxicillan since I had strep and I am feeling better. But not enough to forget the misery. I sure hope you walk away unscathed. Just keep your lips away from those boys.
March 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSara
Scarlet Fever!

Did you bury a statue of St. Helen of Keller upside down in your backyard?

That should work.

If not, one boiled onion under each armpit at night will do the trick.

Or maybe it's a statue of Helen Keller under each arm and an onion in the backyard. Folk remedies cornfuzzle me.
March 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJozet at Halushki
I thought that only the boy in the Velveteen Rabbit was so afflicted..hmmm. I wonder what that rash under my boob is and I do have the flu and a sore throat. Don't even tell me...
March 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterizzy's mama
At the elementary school our kids went to, in fifth grade they do an overnight on a clipper ship. They stand watch and generally live in the time period. We write them letters just like this. It is fun!

I hope the Lord sees fit to free you of this pestilence afore long.
March 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenn @ Juggling Life
Your writing style so totally cracks me up!!

Leeann
March 13, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterleeann
Hope you get well soon!
"Smell my butt"? Is that like the new "You're a doodoohead" for children, or is it really like a, "Hey, I'm better. You can tell by the way my butt smells!"?
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
Pray thee, Goody Finslippy, but have thee contemplated ye men may be under a spell of a witch?

I suggest drinking of the spirits to get thee through this mark upon ye home. Large glasses of spirits.
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErin
ZOUNDS!! The Jewish POX!!
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterYou can call me, 'Sir'
Smell my butt?...Alice, this and transformers make me grateful for girls.

Glad the boy is getting back to his old self!
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Yummy Mummy
Oh, Alice, ye are an hoote.
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBipolarlawyercook
Milady, forsooth - are we wretched Jews still to suffer, lo, after all these centuries? Yea, until the end of time? Is your god not merciful? Intercede for your unbeliever of a spouse, 'tho it may costeth you suffering in the hereafter.
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent
Is it just me or is anyone else picturing this scene??http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grbSQ6O6kbs



March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCatizhere
Fabulous. Now I'm gonna be speaking in pigdin medievalese all weekend. My family thanks you for that!
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterVelma
My son likes to get on his bed and get in a position for what he calls a "diaper hug." Nice. Last night I said OK, and when I went to hug him I pantomimed pulling off Mr. Happy and throwing it away. He laughed with a real edge of hysteria and assumed the fetal position. I doubt we will have to deal with the obnoxious "diaper hug" again! LOL
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDee
I feel horrible for the lad. Just horrible. We, too, have had relentless bouts with one ailment after another--almost seamless in their onslaught. Have they no mercy? These wicked, wicked maladies?! I think not.

Thankfully, our most hated illness (the one that led to hurling-profusely-into-big-buckets) has now left us. I wanted to be shot. Like a horse with a bad leg. However it has been replaced by another set of wretched symptoms--of the head cold variety. Arrrrg.

Woe is me (us, I guess). Please tell Henry we're glad he feels all bettery now. :-)
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPlanet Mom
I feel horrible for the lad. Just horrible. We, too, have had relentless bouts with one ailment after another--almost seamless in their onslaught. Have they no mercy? These wicked, wicked maladies?! I think not.

Thankfully, our most hated illness (the one that led to hurling-profusely-into-big-buckets) has now left us. I wanted to be shot. Like a horse with a bad leg. However it has been replaced by another set of wretched symptoms--of the head cold variety. Arrrrg.

Woe is me (us, I guess). Please tell Henry we're glad he feels all bettery now. :-)
March 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPlanet Mom
There's a heck of a lot to be found in the Meadowlands (Jimmy Hoffa, anyone?) but laws prevent us from being able to call any of the herbs found there medicinal.
March 15, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkaren
Hi. I don't want to be an alarmist, I hate when people do that. But when my son had Scarlett Fever his doctor was concerned because Scarlett Fever can very easily turn into Rhumatic Fever. He had to have heart echos done every year for 3 years to make sure things were alright. Things were ok, but apparently rhumatic fever really doesn't make a serious appearance until the child hits his twenties. Keep in mind that my son had RF for almost 2 weeks before it was diagnosed, so his situation was more advanced, but it might be something you would want to discuss with your pediatrician.Kim
March 19, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim

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