Join me, won't you, as I wallow for a bit?

My physical therapist is giving me a complex. Is he supposed to do that? Is that included in his list of services?

I was hoping to just get this shoulder pain treated, but apparently the rest of me is in complete shambles. It's a wonder that I'm ambulatory. The first thing he observed, as every medical professional I have ever seen or walked by or made out with wants to tell me, is that my shoulders are hunched forward. Yes, I know, and you know what? They've always been like that, and there's apparently nothing I can do about it. I am a freak. There, are you happy? Are you satisfied, medical professionals of the world? I have freaky narrow shoulders that are bizarrely tipped forward. I thought it was a likeable slouch, but apparently it is WRONG and CRAZY and needs to be TSK-TSKED over.

And that's not all!

"Did you know that your torso is twisted over to one side?" the therapist asks.

I sigh. I actually did know that. "It's come up," I said.

"Does your back hurt?"

"Sort of. Yes. Pretty much always." I like to just not think about it, Physical Therapist Guy, but now that you're reminding me, OW. THANKS.

Then:

"Your right hip is twisted, as well."

"That might be because of the, uh, club foot."

"You have a club foot?"

"Well, I did, at least that's what they called it, but they treated it when I was little. So now it's okay."

He frowns. "Except it's thrown off your entire right side."

"I'm sorry," I murmur. Why am I apologizing?

Then he tries to twist my neck in some sort of impossible direction.

"Ow."

"That hurts?"

No, ow is my mantra. "Yup."

"Your neck is extraordinarily stiff. I could only move it this much. " He shows me a tiny increment with his two fingers. "I should be able to move it this much," he says, and swivels his head 360 degrees. (I exaggerate, but less than you might think.)

Well, kudos. Aren't you nimble! I will call you Mr. Nimbles! "Wow," I say.

"Yeah. That's a problem."

And it is only the beginning of my problems. The biggest one is that, after seeing him four times, after having been manipulated and stretched and prodded and told how stiff and inflexible I am, the pain in my arms is worse than ever. "Your body's not healing itself," he tells me. Then he takes my blood pressure, which is, according to him, alarmingly low. Technically I shouldn't be alive. All my blood should be pooling around my ankles—my freaky ankles.

I'm supposed to go for blood tests, because, I don't know, he's concerned about my liver? Honestly I stopped listening after a while. I should probably just go to someone else, someone who'll make me feel not quite so misshapen and hopeless. He's not saying things I didn't already know, so I can't blame him entirely. But no one else has made me feel quite so unfixable.

He also told me not to eat too much sugar, because it will impede my healing. But really, after you make me feel that bad, you think I'm not going to go home and eat cookies? Well, you don't know everything, Mr. Body Smarts Guy.

Comments

[Carrie]

I'm so sorry! Please, just go to a new doctor! But not this guy:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/lifestyle/health/chi-delivery-lawsuit-16-dec16,0,1637494.story

[The Window Seat]

You know, I once had a doctor like this and saw her for years! And then one day I gave myself a stern talking to in the mirror and found a new doctor and it was the best thing I ever did. Ever.

I'm so sorry!

[SparklieSunShine]

Why do physical therapist have a way of making people feel this way? I had to go to one for many months after a particularly bad car accident and my person was constantly making remarks like this.

"You know, your right shoulder is quite a bit higher than your left one and it's causing problems in your back."

or

Me: Ow!Him: Hmm...that really shouldn't hurt you. Your very tense for someone your age I don't know how much this is helping.

They really need to be more positive. Sorry yours made you feel so down. Maybe you should seek out someone else. They may be telling you the same sorts of things, but they don't have to make you feel the way that yours seems to.

In any case I hope your body aches are feeling much better soon.

[exile on mom street]

I absolutely HATE doctors who try to make me feel irresponsible (regarding my health) or stupid or BOTH.

It's worse if they can't actually make me better.

Please find someone else, Mr. Nimbles obviously isn't cutting it!

[liz]

Get a new doctor. 'Cause that one? SUX.

[w.]

Oh dear. Have you considered trying a chiropractor? Your complex-inducing therapist aside, the issues sound like joint-related things and with regards to those problems I've always had MUCH better luck with chiropractors.

Also I take my weekly/monthly dose of Living On The Edge in that split second where the chiropractor is about to adjust my neck and I feel like she could kill me at any moment. :)

[Susan]

You should clearly see a new physical therapist. Even if there are things on your body not working correctly, it's not his job to make you feel like some sort of failure for it. Switch!!

[Anne]

Yuck! Have you tried finding a good massage therapist instead? Maybe through a friend? If you lived near Chicago I know exactly where I'd send you (and if you're coming to blogher here I can send you then!), but I find my massage therapist is much nicer about working with me and the way my body is to make me feel/move better without giving me a complex about the fact that my hips turn out and all sorts of parts of me are either too tight or too loose (make all the jokes you want, I giggled writing that). It isn't covered by insurance, of course, but it is very much worth it to me.

[Ronin]

Um Alice? Physical therapist does NOT equal doctor. There are so many people out there with very distorted notions about medicine, and I fear that you have found yourself one. When he started talking about eating less sugar, that is when you should have began sidling towards the nearest exit. Please please PLEASE find yourself a new PT, and if you truly feel concerned about the issues he brought up, talk to somebody with the letters MD after their name.

[Kriss]

Oh, whatever, Mister Condescending Slim Goodbody Wannabe.

Treat yourself to a massage; then find a different PT.

[Erin @ Unclutterer]

I recommend alcohol in the place of sugar. I'm making pisco punch this evening and think you should, too:

http://dcist.com/2008/12/05/dcist_videos_how_to_make_pisco_punc.php

[Clairebell]

Are you sure he's not a chiro? It sounds like a spiel. PTs are only supposed to treat what they are told to treat by your ACTUAL MD. Go tattle on him to your MD post haste.

Also? PTs are NOT MDs and should not be giving medical Dx or advice. But they ARE in the business of pushing you past your limits to increase function and mobility in joints and limbs. So, cordial but serious? Sure. Doom & gloom? No.

Good luck.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Since when did you agree to hand over a co-pay for someone to point out your flaws. It's like going to a dermatologist to treat your acne, and they sit there and say, "You know? You have acne." I'm surprised they didn't hand over your medical license sooner, Scooter.

[Chiara]

*hug* Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Being in pain all the time sucks. I hope you find some relief soon.

[Tammy]

Actually, I think cookies are exactly what you need. Multiple flavors. And somebody to feed them to you.

[Kristine]

I agree, find a new doctor! ASAP!

[madge]

You are going to get a thousand recommendations of Things To Do Besides PT, so I'll throw my log on the fire...

ROLFING! Otherwise known as Structural Integration. Manipulation of the muscle fascia to straighten you out. Gets you realigned without cracking the sh*t out of your joints like a chiropracter. It's like a beatdown and a massage all in one.

Self-flagellation with some stroking after is my kind of body work!

[Beatrix]

Find someone else with better bedside manner.

[emjaybee]

Hey my son has a PT, and he's miles better than this dude. And my son is three, so if he was snarky, I could understand, but our PT is patient, encouraging, and never tries to make me or Nathan feel bad. Nathan was born with his physical issues (hyperflexibility, hypotonia), so were you, why should either of you be made to feel bad?

So I add my voice to the "move on!" chorus. You deserve better!

[derfina]

Wallow away. No pain, no gain and all that rot be damned.

[Lori L.]

Yep, agreeing with most everybody here... PT can be a wonderful help, so definitely need to exercise your "patient power" and get a new one.

I deal with a weird torticollis that was not treated as a child, and now impedes my neck movement and messes with my spine, so I feel your pain, so to speak. PLEASE stick with your PT, just switch. There. Two cents, please.

[whoorl]

Yup, it's time for a new physical therapist. What a turd.

[Michelle]

Hey there

just wanted to add my 2cents - you could try a massage therapist as well - or you could even try craniosacral therapy - you can look up craniosacral therapy at the Upledger institude, it can help a multitude of problems.

Sorry to hear that your not feeling better - has he even suggested you have an epsom salt bath after the tx? Epsom salts are really good for helping to pull the toxins out of your body after a treatment.

Michelle

[betsy]

I went to physical therapy three times a week for two years after neck surgery...surgery where they put 5 cadavor bones (yes, I sometimes see dead people now) and a titanium brace in my neck to hold my head up again. The guy doing it was hot..at first. But then, he was so not hot as he began to tell me everything that was wrong with my body. Didn't I mention to him in the beginning that I was just out of surgery, that I had been walking around with a collaspsed neck for three years unbeknownst to me? Didn't he get the note from my doctor? Yes, he heard me, yes he'd read the note, he'd say. Well then, shut the hell up about all the other stuff that was a side effect of having a neck that did not hold up my head any more. One day I told him straight up that my neck had collasped because my long ago ex-husband used to think it was fun to choke me and that his final blow had taken eight years to land. That guy never said another word to me about anything! And, he was never hot again.

[Jamie]

This guy sounds like the dentist I had as a kid- he would always tell me how messed up my jaw formation was, or how all my teeth didn't fit right, or that my nose was out of line. After they pulled 6 of my teeth without anesthesia my mom finally figured out he was a quack. RUN!