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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« One of many getting-up-at-midnight-to-pee conversations | Main | From Alice's physician »

Oh my.

I read every single comment from the previous post, and now I want to make out with each and every one of you. (Well, except for one of you. Yeah, you know who you are.) But let's face it: it can never be. My husband would be annoyed. I wouldn't be able to get anything done, what with all the traveling. My son would miss me. My lips would get chapped. I would get a reputation as a certain kind of girl, and then people would come here just to compliment me and get their bonus make-out session. And so, our love must remain chaste. But I'm not happy about it.

As overwhelmingly nice as it was to read your comments, it was also just overwhelming. I mean, how am I going to follow that? When nothing of any interest is going on over here?

Let's see. It's, hmm, sunny. Which is nice.


It's also windy. Before it was raining, and now it's sunny, and also windy. Scott, who is working from home today, observed, "Before there were bone-chilling rains, and now there is a bitter wind." He said this in his Charlton Heston-as-Moses voice. It's his way.


Oh, I know! I went to the doctor to get my head checked out. I was frightened enough by my headache event that I decided to find out if my head would explode any time soon. I almost canceled at the last minute, but then Scott reminded me how lately I have a headache every day. Not a horrifying half-of-the-head kind of pain, but just a general all-head thumpy thumpiness. I explained that that was from the unrelenting agony of living with him, but he was not convinced.

So, doctor, blah blah. He looked into my head and made me stand on one foot and do all the wacky neurological testing things that doctors have us do so they can laugh at us. The good news is I didn't have a subarachnoid hemorrhage, which is what I was convinced was going on, even though the pain would have continued instead of fading and also I would most likely be dead. He suspected a cluster headache and referred me to a neurologist. The daily headaches are tension and probably arise from the unrelenting agony of living with my husband, he said. Really, he said that! Then he offered to make out with me.

Reader Comments (70)

Rock on girlfriend! You rock because you make me laugh when I thought I couldn't.Thanks!
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca
I too had headaches every day and after CT scans, MRI's and neurologists turns out it was actually my jaw. I've always been a clencher but the geeky mouthguard didn't help (my bite is fine as well). One day of chiro and active release and that headache I'd had for 18 months - gone. Even though the doctors all said the headaches weren't "indicative of jaw issues".

If anyone says "tension headaches" to you -punch them. In the face. And then get your jaw looked at.

Just an option. :)
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen
Sean gets really intense pinpoints of headaches, he likes to point on these spots and then tells me those are his tumor locations. Because I'm a good wife I give him Excedrin tension headache, tell him to go see a doctor, and ask him to sign the large life insurance policy I just took out on him. ;)

I've been to the neurologist for headaches before and nothing makes you feel more stupid than having to answer their questions about whether or not I've blacked out or had a seizure or anything like that. All of which is no, thank god, but then they give you *that* look, give you a bottle of aspirin and tell you to go away.

So glad to hear that it wasn't a subarachnoid hemorrhage.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersaucygrrl
OMG! So what did you do!?
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbraine
I want to be comment number number 4 (fours are my favorite...crazy? maybe...) Anyway...I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!!!
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbellyacher
Seeee. This is EXACTLY why we love you. Because you take mundane things and make them so damn funny. I take my life and it just comes out like blah, bluh, bluh. See, not nearly as exciting as yours!

And please tell me you made out with Dr. X... or maybe it was Dr. XXX?
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen
I'm sorely disappointed with the Wikipedia entry on subarachnoid hemorrhage because it never does explain what's below the spider.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAverage Jane
darn...i ended up being 5th. oh well...i still lurve alice!!!
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterbellyacher
Alice... have you ever been to a chiropractor? They generally have extremely good results with headaches, without the worry of drug-induced side effects. If you're worried about twisting or "cracking," look for an Upper Cervical Specific chiro technique (two examples are NUCCA and AO). AMAZING results with these and recurrent headaches. Montel talked about AO on his show once. If you want to check it out:
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLauri
Did you tell him you're not that kind of girl?
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEmily
You've my sympathies, I too was a headache sufferer (until I stopped living with your husband). I was convinced I had a subdural hematoma, although this was before the Internet + Google, so it was an uninformed and unformed fear.

*Cluster headache* always sounds to me that there's an army of tormenters in one's head and they're VERY organized.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdianne
I think I will comment on this entry and go back to lurking. I've been more than a little unhappy in my own life lately, and I guess saying a few non-specific bits of pseudo help kind of made me feel better. I went back and reread it, and I think I might have been advising myself. Hmmm... there's something kind of deep or psychotic there. Let's not ponder that.


I am glad you seem to be doing better.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTerry
Well, good to know you have chaste lips....
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline
yesterday was the first time i came across your blog and i was so delighted by that first entry that i proceeded to spend a rather embarrassing amount of time reading the archives. i finally had to cut myself off at april and remind myself that my blog-reading overdose would leave me with a headache AND nothing to read next week when i need to procrastinate. so thank you for cheering up my day! and i hope the headache gets better - after about a year and a half, i've given up on making it more than a couple of days without one, so i feel you.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteramanda
A similar head thing happened to me only I got neat wavy lines through my vision and one pupil was bigger than the other. Plus one side of my face was numb. I diagnosed myself with a subarachnoid hemorrhage, too! Alas, it is only migraines.

(Also, my neurologist said a very similar thing: "Well, it's not a stroke, or an aneurysm, because you're still alive." The office visit cost me $600. Modern medicine.)
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMG
Cluster headaches suck. I'm sorry you have to deal with them. Bright side is now that they know what it is they can give you the nice pills that make the pain go away. Of course they also make you reeeeeaaaaally slllleeeeeeepy.I love your blog, why wouldn't I? You're fabulous.Did you take the doctor up on his offer? 'Cause that could get you some serious discounts. ;)
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Bird
You rock. I laugh out loud (LOL, as I think the kids say?) at every single post. And one of my cats is named Henry. He's my favorite and that's why I saved the best name for him.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOperation Pink Herring
I'm married, too, so I guess that's OK. So glad you're back because I was about to make you a mix tape to prove my love.

I had a headache when I had my epidural hematoma! Just wanted to throw that in. But it was after I smacked my head on the asphalt, so there wasn't much mystery to it.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLunasea
Alice! I am delurking to tell you that I have missed you and your writing terribly. When I looked back and saw that your break has only lasted about a week, I couldn't believe it. I feel like you've been gone forever... I'm so glad you're back :-)
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterangelo's mom
Geeminy -- I almost hyperventilated at the thought that you almost stayed home from the internets. Permanently.

It would be a sad, sad world indeed if the trolls succeeded in their mission. Thank you for coming back!!!

Incidentally, I just checked out your posts from the first month you started blogging and was almost literally in hysterics about the coffee house. Don't ever leave us, Alice! We love you!
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter3 to get ready
What a doctor! Mine never offers that. Thank goodness. Those cute cardiology residents that I got to know so well while my father was in the cardiac intensive care unit, though....I'd consider it with them. Of course, that was 3 years ago, when I was extremely pregnant; so none of them offered, either. Sigh.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent
Ugh. I can sympathize with you. I have migraines and cluster headaches are no fun. I can almost deal with the dull, sick-y migraine pain, but not the intense, eye-watering, sinus burning pain of cluster headaches.
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKathy
Dearest Alice,

Why make out with the great, unwashed (some of us) masses when you can make out with a Dr.? I ask you.

Welcome back.

ChapStick Vanilla lip moisturizingly,Joe
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeyJoe
We ALL want to make out with you, too! We love you-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Mwah!
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersam's mom
A cluster headache! Is it wrong that it sounds sexy?
January 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBOSSY

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