I was dreaming that half my head was gone. I was looking in a mirror, and I was only half a head. That's strange, I thought, I must not be looking closely enough. I woke up and the right side of my head, from the eye down, was a block of pain. Not throbbing, not searing, just pain itself. Even the roof of my mouth was pain. Touching it with my tongue brought tears to my eyes. It was 5 a.m., what was I supposed to do now? People don’t simply get up at 5 a.m., that's ridiculous. After three or so minutes of mentally mapping the contours of my new agonizing head space, I got up. I went downstairs. Our house is shockingly loud. Every floorboard explodes upon contact. BAM. POW. SHE'S HEADING TO THE KITCHEN. Izzy the cat was freaking out that she had company. Hey! I'm up too! Let’s bat at some Legos together! Hey!
I found the appropriate painkillers and I took them and I ordered them to get to work. Now what? Now I would Google, of course. "Sinus pain without congestion." "Sinus pain + no congestion." "Sinus agony turns out to be sudden fatal tumor." As usual, I found message board after message board with people listing their symptoms, people who have been in discomfort for weeks. Why don't they go to a doctor? I had been conscious with this pain for 15 minutes and I could barely stand it. The advice on the boards was always the same. Contact your doctor. Stop writing to the Internet and call someone who can see you in person.
When I realized the Advil was kicking in and I was getting drowsy, I hurried back to bed. My brilliant and also gorgeous husband brought the child to school, and when I woke up at 10 a.m., the head pain was gone. I have no idea what that was, but thank you, head, for getting rid of it. Please don't let it happen again. Especially not before it's light out.