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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Diagnosis: allergy! | Main | Coloring with Henry. »

Any color will do, as long as it’s not red.

I am a genius at avoiding doctors and tooting along, afloat on a sea of pain, until such time as the body part in question actually falls off and I have to get it Crazy-Glued back on.

A couple of months ago I mentioned these damned eye troubles, which I had checked out by the local optometrist, who said it was just a little eyestrain. At the time, some of my intelligent, perceptive readers suggested that I should go see an opthamologist. And I told them to shut up. In my head, I told them that.

But here I am, in 2007, and my condition has not spontaneously resolved itself. I pay for any time spent on the computer with watery, bloodshot eyes. My eyes burn as if I have not blinked in months. And yet blinking is one of my favorite pastimes. I look like a stoned basset hound. I am none of those things. Yesterday I foolishly wrote for an hour without taking a break, and later that day, driving Henry home, had to pull over because my eyes were tearing so badly that I couldn’t see. As I have learned, you need to see in order to drive. As the tears shot out of my eyes, soaking my scarf, puddling in my shoes, I thought, hmm, maybe I should see a doctor?

All of which is to say that I’ll be back next week, I hope with some fresh new eyes. Maybe they’ll be hazel!

Reader Comments (34)

Mrs. Kennedy's nose is red, your eyes are red, what's going on? Good luck - I hope your new opthamologist solves the problem.
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermaggie
My husband, who has "dry eye syndrome" was putting drops in his eyes the other night, and they of course began to tear up--and our almost 4-yo daughter made him lie down on the couch and "sleep" so his eyes would feel better. She sat on top of him and soothingly told him stories and sang to him...up until I told her her bath was ready, and she ran off.

Why do I tell you this? B/c your eyes may hurt, but if you tell Henry about it he'll probably "take care" of you and give you some good stories to share with us...
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commenternate
There is a redness sweeping the Internet! Let's burn some damn sage in here or something.
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEm
Alice, I hope the doc gets you all fixed up, because going a week without a dose of Finslippy could be tough. You're responsible for me addiction to this blog, so don't make me go into detox! :)
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterStarshine
Eek! I will miss my dose of finslippy!
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterraine
So, what you're telling me is that you aren't going to be able to read these comments and so if decided to talk about the migratory habits of the yellow bellied nerf herder, you couldn't stop me. The power, it is glorious!
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMonkee
Ouch! Hope it's something quick to fix!
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkelly
I hear ya with the avoidance thing. Best of luck for a simple, painless solution! We'll miss you!
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLibby
Oh here we go, Alice. It's just the beginning of the slow but sure betrayal of your body. I just posted about this last week -- the fact that as I approach 40, all bodily systems are shutting down or otherwise breaking. Teeth, gums, hair, skin, ovaries... It's all going south. Not to make you depressed or anything. You're younger than I am, right?

Good luck at the ophthalmogist's!
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterslouching mom
That's 'ophthalmologist'. I forgot to mention my brain. It's losing grey matter by the minute.
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterslouching mom
When you come back, I hope you find out what was wrong. I am having the same problem from a year of looking at a computer screen. I'm afraid to renew my prescription, because I think the next highest power of corrective lens is "legally blind."
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterNoelle
Alice, there are probably a couple of possibilities here. One is the dry eye syndrome that someone else mentioned, which of course could be helped with drops. The other is the fact that the computer is at an odd distance - not close enough for reading glasses nor as far away for distance. You may need Varilux lenses in a pair of glasses. The other thing is, I've noticed my eyes do much better looking at our new flat LCD computer screen at home rather than the wavery vaguely pulsating CRT screen at work. If you don't have an LCD flat screen monitor at home, I'd order one pronto, it can't hurt.

Good luck to you!
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl52
A "stoned basset hound..." Ha! A lovely visual. Thanks muchly.
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterPlanet Mom
Ah, like everybody else said it could be dry eye syndrome. Weird that it would occur all of a sudden though. I've had dry eye syndrome my whole life and drops definitely don't help (they actually make it worse). Fingers crossed you have something more easily fixable!

February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea
Go to the doctor!! You don't want to mess with eyes, because without eyes how will you blog? Huh? Have you even thought about that? You also might want them for other stuff, but if you can't blog it'll be very sad. And I bet your doctor can give you some fancy million dollar eye drops and clear it right up. Or are your copays not as high as mine?
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie
Ouch!Hope the doc gets rid of the stoned Bassett Hound
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEmily
(ditto Maggie): What is the deal with your eyes falling out and The Mrs. Kennedy's nose falling off? Maybe I don't want to be a famous blogger after all...
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKarianna
Basset hounds are cute. Stoned basset hounds are probably even cuter but I hope you get your eyes fixed soon. I think shiny eye whites are the new frontier of beauty! The last body part that there are (almost) no products for.
February 1, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterozma

Good luck, Alice.
February 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterL
Alice, FFS! You only ever get one pair of eyes! Get it all checked out properly please. Sorry if I sound obnoxious but I'm speaking to you as if you were a best friend. As someone who's had really, I mean REALLY, bad eyesight from the age of eleven, you need to look after your eyes. Get them checked out properly and reduce my stress levels please? PLEASE!
February 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSusan
Off topic: You know, you need to change your masthead now that we know what Finslippy is. :)
February 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterErika
I know you're in New Jersey, but my eye doc on the upper east side is awesome, particularly if you have any sort of a serious problem, which I had a couple of years ago. He's not exactly cheap (although I'm sure he takes insurance), but if you want a really good guy let me know and I'll send you an email with his contact info.
February 2, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkate
I have chronically dry eyes so I have experience in this issue. I actually had to get little plugs put in my bottom tear ducts to keep them moist enough. It sounds odd but they block your bottom ducts to slow tear re-absorption but your top ducts are still open. It didn't hurt at all and my insurance covered it. The only problem I have is that one fell out after four years so I need to get one replaced.
February 2, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkimblahg
I'll keep it short so you don't overdo it:

HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON (couldn't put it in font 35, but maybe you can use the "ZOOM")

February 2, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRLJ
oooh, see if you can get the David Bowie look: new eyes in two different colors!

I made homemade granola last night and SWEET CHRIST ON A CRACKER I'm in love with it. I've had three bowls today, and don't feel that it's the least bit excessive.
February 3, 2007 | Unregistered Commenternadarine

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