Home - Top Row


Home - Bottom Row

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Parenting books I could have used this week | Main | Things are really heating up, over here. »

Why yes, I am an adolescent.

A few weeks ago I was listening to public radio when someone called in to say, "Hi, I have a big penis, I like to play with it." Brian Lehrer, professional that he is, cut him off with nary a comment and moved on. I, however, was thrilled and amused (it doesn't take much) and laughed for too long while hunting for the phone so I could call Scott. What was so funny was not just that a guy said this on the Brian Lehrer show, but that he said it in this perfect WNYC-caller voice, the breezy voice of your average liberal with season passes to Lincoln Center and a lifetime subscription to the New Yorker.

Henry, by the way, was in the room, and undoubtedly heard the words spoken on the radio, but didn't even blink. After all, if one has it, why wouldn't one want to play with it? Sounds like a reasonable topic of discussion.

Anyway, I called Scott, who laughed almost as hard as I did, which is why we get along so well. Then I made a few more calls. Then I thought, can I blog about this? I decided to be mature, and anyway, what else was there to say, except OH MY GOD THIS GUY TALKED ABOUT HIS PENIS ON WNYC HA HA HAAAAR. So after sharing my new favorite anecdote to my entire family on Thanksgiving, I decided to let it go.

But as you can see, ultimately I couldn't stop myself from sharing. It had to come out. And now that it's here, I feel so much better.

In conclusion, there's a new Wonderland post today. Happy weekend!

Reader Comments (20)

Wait am I really the first person to comment? That's kind of a terrifying responsibility. Um, good anecdote?

No! I could say something better I know it! Like: Those people with lifetime subscriptions to the New Yorker and tickets to Lincoln Center are really kinky. But if you want twisted, you have to subscribe to the New York Review of Books.

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterozma

It's like an audio version of spam!
December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKristabella
Yeah, I would have called my husband right away. And yes, he would have laughed just as hard as I did. I never doubted that we still have many adolescent traits. But that often makes life pretty fun, doesn't it!?
December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterIrene
I would've been lucky to get a harrumph out of my husband. But then, I'm such a prude I would've gasped and clicked off the radio. Don't we sound like fun?
December 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAll Adither
You'll be thrilled to know that I got no less than 3 phone calls telling me about the very same moment on WNYC. I only wish I had heard it for myself.JulesHouse of Jules

December 14, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterjules
Damn. I wish I had heard that.
December 15, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkate
If you're 14, then I'm 13 ... I can make myself giggle -- apparently never tiring of the same joke -- during Pledge Drives by imagining during the blathering that "For a pledge of $1,000 you can win an evening with Diane Rehm."
December 15, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterdianne
OMG< I read the line and started to laugh so hard I could barely get through the rest of the post!! Apparently, I am also a child. And my 6 year old is so enamoured of his penis that for all I know, he WAS that caller, cleverly disguising his voice. So, yeah, he would have been just like Henry.. He would have thought that was his leader just sounding off on the radio.Everyone I would have called would have likely shook their heads at me.... and THEN laughed like hell as soon as I was off the phone! Posers!
December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterFrankie
I'm so glad I'm not the only person who would have laughed at this. I got into trouble during a sociology class for giggling when the prof was talking about "playing" with certain things...much like the guy on the radio.
December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLori
Haaaa! That's hilarious. It's got to be on the Web somewhere, right? By now? Too funny. I can just hear the measured vowels, the unaccented voice. Great.
December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke
Alice I was surfing the interwebs and came across this cat haiku. Which oddly enough reminded me of your blog, hope you enjoy!

Cat Haiku

You never feed me.Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.That will show you.

I need a new toy.Tail of black dog keeps good time.Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:Touch my tail, I shred your hand.New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear soundCat throwup hairball somewhereWill find in morning

Grace personified,I leap into the window.I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then --Silence, me, a paper bag.What is so funny?

You're always typing.Well, let's see you ignore mySitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.You cannot see me if ICan hide my head.

Terrible battle.I fought for hours. Come and see!What's a 'term paper'?

Small brave carnivoresKill pine cones and mosquitoesFear vacuum cleaner.

Want to trim my claws?Don't even think about it!My cries will wake the dead.

I want to be closeTo you. Can I fit my headinside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.Oh, no! Help! I got outside!Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big Onehas been trapped by newspaper!Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.Mine lies still in bed, then screams!My claws aren't that sharp . . .

Litter box not hereYou must have moved it againI'll crap in the sink.

We're almost equalsI purr to show I love youWant to smell my butt?

December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDidi
I think part of me just died of joy having read that. I only wish I'd heard it on the radio.
December 16, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBecky
I miss all the good stuff.

Heh, I said, "stuff".
December 17, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBusy Mom
What cracks me up is that the announcers just ignored it as if it had never happened. What a professional. I wonder what the guy said to the screener that was convincing enough to let him through... bwahaha!
December 17, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMarie
Heh heh heh. I just read an anecdote about a "penis" while I am sitting at my desk at work. Hee hee. I love it.
December 17, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersusannah
I do too, but I don't talk about it, except to you and your readers.
December 17, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterHeyJoe
Ok, I guess I'll see you in detention--not only did I watch "Superbad" for the 3rd time this weekend, but I am also an avid Howard Stern fan. (Not something many people admit, let alone 40 year old housewives.) I've always said I'm a 14 year old boy trapped in the body of a middle aged woman.
December 17, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterGray Matter Matters
Between the butts and the penises, your house is just chock full of maturity this week. You could come over to mine, where I frequently chortle every time I cook using the Dutch Oven. (snicker) Maturity is for looooosers.
December 17, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJemima
That is a thing of great beauty - on WNYC to boot. I'd have called my husband too.

December 21, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermagpie
Too funny. Must have missed that one. I too would have called my husband and he would have laughed too.
December 26, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>