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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Curious George Gets Read One Too Many Times in This Household.

There was once a monkey named George. He was a good little monkey but curious, so George got into shit.

One day the Man With the Yellow Hat went out, because that's all he ever did—he simply drove off, leaving a monkey to fend for himself, like that makes any sense. Once he was alone, George became interested in something. He looked at it, but not being satisfied with looking, he then poked at it, or perhaps he rode it, or he ate it, and before long he was in serious trouble.

The Law or the Authorities or Personnel came after him, but lucky for George they were slow and ungainly and shook their meaty fists at him, which slowed them down further, and George managed to jump on top of a bus, or hide in a shirt. Just then, a larger crisis loomed, one in which (improbably) a being of monkey size and/or flexibility was needed. George helped, of course, and saved the day just as the Authorities arrived. Everyone agreed that while George is a pain in the ass and ruins just about everything, he is also good in a pinch, when one requires the services of a monkey.

Then George got a medal or a pie, having learned exactly nothing from his mistakes.

Reader Comments (54)

i mean your blog is more cerebral + i should visit you more often :)
November 26, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermod*mom
this is fantastic. i'm so glad i'm not the only one getting bored and reversioning this stuff. ;)
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterholly
Nice job, and spot on! I think if I have to listen to one more Curious George book on CD in the car I might do something drastic. Like throw all the CDs into the lake. Or shoot myself.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJen in CT
If I had a nickel for every time I've thought, "Who THE HELL leaves a monkey unattended?"

Well, I'd be rich.

November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDadaMama
The funny thing is, pretty much everyone who commented on this grew with the Curious George stories - or at the very least, had them in their periphery.... and they all seem to have turned out alright?
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAyla-Monic
I hate CG - every single book needs a really good editor and could be cut in half.

But this post is GREAT - you have nailed it!

Wait till Henry gets old enough to want to read the damn Magic Treehouse books. You might just want to shoot yourself now.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbabelbabe
Yes. That most definitely sounds like the books my mom would read to me as a kid.

No wonder Forrest Gump was so jacked up!
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSarah R
I liked Curious George growing up. But I have to admit, you hit the nail on the head with your cliff's notes version of the story.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLori
I wrote about this on my WebThing once---there is a definite difference between old-skool and newer C.G. stories. Only in the new ones do his fuckups somehow turn heroic. I can't say I like this new trend, it's all self-esteemy and weird (it was GOOD that you did that, George!)
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermimi smartypants
AMEN. Goddamn monkey.

We've had to discontinue viewings of the CG cartoon in this house because it has become less "amusing animated story" and more "instructional documentary."

November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie at Beanpaste
I like pie.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterPete Dunn
My 3 year old LOVES all things Curious George. This post was hilarious.! I actually find the George materials a lot less annoying than many of the other children's character tv shows/books.

I was at a conference this fall and heard Louise Borden speak. She's the author of the The Journey that Saved Curious George: The True Wartime Escape of Margaret and H.A. Rey. She did some fascinating research to get the facts on that story!
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKelsey
Frankly? I'm due to have my first child in 3 months and I'm terrified of navigating into the world of children's books. I baby-sit a friend's 4 yr old regularly and I'll read her bedtime stories and half the time as I'm reading the story I'm thinking to myself "WTF?? What is this story about?? And why does the spoiled-brat king get rewarded??" So much of these books seem like utter crap!
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy
So. much. Curious. George. in . my. house.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterkaryn
I bet George would like to do your cat's surgery....
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTC true
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteremilyruth
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMegan64
I read, I laughed. Fabulous.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterChristina
The Man in the Yellow Hat must have broken some serious international laws by deciding to just remove George out of his natural habitat.

Never judge a book by its PBS series.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterManic Mommy
I just like saying "naughty monkey."


(See? It's fun!)
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJake
Whoa, there. Delurking to say - ya can't just make us care about Izzy (and your coffee table) without CONSTANT UPDATES, y'hear?
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterCarol in VT
"Mummy, what's ether? Now why is he lying on the floor?"
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterNotFace I the only one that LIKES Curious George? My kids love the stories, I think the illustrations are cool, and we always have a good laugh at the picture of George smoking a pipe in his robe after dinner. Sure, it's a little annoying that George never has to pay for his mistakes, but it sure beats reading a freaking Disney book.
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteramy
In this household, George is often used as an example of "what not to do".
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermothergoosemouse
And then he put on a robe and smoked a pipe with the man in the yellow hat. Don't forget that part. It's crucial.
November 28, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBig Momma Pimpalishisness

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