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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« I feel so violated. | Main | Advil, please. »
Saturday
Nov242007

And lemurs. Mustn't forget about those.

Did my faithful readers truly believe that my dog had run away, or were they joking, just like me? I can't tell anymore. I'm so tired. So, so tired. The three of us went to the Museum of Natural History today and I know you were there, too. I know you were there because everyone in the known universe was there. Everyone was there, meandering through the exhibits, pushing empty strollers in front of them and shouting for their children. Their children, meanwhile, were lagging ten feet behind as they hacked and sneezed into their moist palms and then touched every display, every guardrail, every everything. I don't care if you don't have a child because if you don't you clearly built a child-robot to bring to the AMNH. A germy robot, built just to horrify me. I used half a gallon of Purell on me and my family today. But no amount of Purell can wipe away the memories.

Actually we had fun. It's just that I'm too tired to tell you about the fun. There were quasars. Alaskan bears. Geodes and giant squids and fossilized jawbones. It was wholesome, educational fun. I will need a few days to recover.

Reader Comments (30)

I'm pretty sure everyone was at McDonalds today. Your were so sleepy you just thought they were at the MONH.
November 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMindy
The AMNH is the nexus of the universe. It's magic. It's my own personal cathedral. And it's completely wasted on children.When I rule the world, I'm going to take it over as my private residence and the only people who'll ever get a peek inside will be my rotation of male concubines. So no matter how crowded it was, I truly hope you enjoyed it because it will soon be mine, all mine!
November 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterloulou
You're tired and germy but you're still a total awesomehead. A Finslippy NaBloPoMo is a big PCP*-a-thon for your belove...ing readers. But you are setting us up for an empty and lonely Christmas season when this daily posting goes away. Thanks, Alice. For the PCP* and the impending sorrow.

I was going to bring my little Germinator to the museum to toy with you but we keep living in Seattle all the time. By the time we heard you were at the museum, the plane tickets were too expensive and also it would have been a gamble that you would have all fallen asleep there for long enough for us to pack, fly, check into our hotels, freshen up and get to the museum in time. Also we would have needed a time machine.

*I'm trying to forcibly replace the overdone "crack" with "PCP" as the metaphor for the thing you get all hooked on.
November 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTina
We were just discussing last December's visit to NYC and the trip to the museum and how we had to fit in another trip there during our upcoming trek down to The City. My 4 year old will not be happy if he is not given a second chance to yodel under the blue whale... sorry in advance to those of you there in about 3 weeks.
November 24, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterVelma
We couldn't make it to the AMNH today, so we went to the home of Teddy Roosevelt, one of its earliest patrons. I used to volunteer there, at the AMNH, and tell all the sneezing germlets about the dinosaurs. They were gross. Somewhere I read the term "snotgoblins." We have two.
November 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbraine
AMNH on Thanksgiving weekend? You are a glutton for punishment, aren't you! And I thought I had problems dragging my child to Zabar's on Saturday.
November 24, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterizzy's mama
I would LOVE to take my kids to the AMNH someday. I'm actually going to be in NYC this week with two of my kids, but only briefly for an appointment. I've never gone into the city before and I'm a little (maybe a lot) nervous about the logistics.
November 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJMC
I love AMNH - our is in Ann Arbor on the U-of-M (aka BAD Michigan) campus.

It's the only thing worthwhile on that campus if you ask me.

- The Michigan State fan
November 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRee
Everywhere you go is a snotfest.Have you ever ridden the bus?Behold, adult people sneezing into their hands and then touching everything you may have to touch.And? I always assume that whoever touched something before me was a nose picker.Better safe.
November 25, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterwitchypoo
When I lived in NYC, I would go there every Thanksgiving weekend. I don't know why, but I just did. Maybe it was the beautiful colors in the park that led me up there, but it was probably just the fancy hot dog stand that was nearby. Nothing beats a hot dog and a stroll around the AMNH in the fall.JulesHouse of Jules
November 25, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterjules
I hate those germs, too. We need to be able to put all of those sticky Littles into portable plastic bubbles. Can't you just see it? The whole museum full of kids in plastic balls like so many hamster in exercise balls - rolling over to the whale to check it out, taking down 2 grandparents and a couple of docents en route. I'd rent a bubble just to be present for that sort of mayhem.
November 25, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAhna
I had actually considered going - but our own hacking, sneezing, germerificness kept me home. Guess we made the right choice?
November 25, 2007 | Unregistered Commentermom101
Half a gallon of Purell? Now you have to worry about making your entire family more vulnerable to the ravages of MRSA.

You're welcome.
November 26, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSuburbanCorrespondent
Hi Alice! We WERE at the museum that day along with half of the country. What were we thinking? My daughter and I were separated from our group within the first ten minutes, then spent the next 45 minutes looking for them. I'm very sorry that I didn't see you there, I would have liked to meet you in person. Though I'm sure neither of us would have been in the mood for pleasantries. : )
November 27, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterann
Oh, SC, Purell isn't antibacterial, it's just alcohol. It won't kill any good germs, promise.

November 28, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice
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