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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
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Sleep Is
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Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Just trying to be hip to the vernacular, is all. | Main | Oh dear, she's writing about dogs again. »
Thursday
Nov152007

At least I'm not writing about cats. Yet.

NaBloPoMo is bringing out the best in my good friend Sarah. I especially enjoyed the post narrated by her cat:



Oh, shit. Is that Other One trying to ENTER THE BEDROOM? She'll never learn. Cat's gonna make me flex. I'll just hide over here...wait for it... BAT BAT BAT! Feel the sting of my paw! You wanna scream about it? Go ahead. Yowl and scream all you want. Music to my ears.



Come on. That there is comedy gold.

In other news, my dog puked about an inch from my face. I was sleeping. It was 4 a.m. He looked as surprised as I felt.

I am sure Cookie would never have done this to me.

Yeah, I'm talking about dogs again. This is what happens when you post every day. And there is NOTHING ELSE GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE WHATSOEVER. Wow, look at those all caps! Wasn't that a strong statement!

Oh, and the dog? Puking because he keeps eating the cat food. Kitten victuals are irresistible to dogs. Even after they come back up.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, after changing the sheets, Scott and I proceeded to fight about which side of the bed the puke was on, as if it was somehow an insult directed at one of us, and the one whose side of the bed it puddled toward was the offended party. This is the kind of asinine argument one has at 4 a.m.

The puke was in the dead center of the bed, by the way. Charlie was playing fair.

At least it seems that Scott now sees my point about getting the dog off the damn bed, an initiative I have been pursuing since forever. At some point in the night, every night, Charlie scoots under the covers and steee-retches until his paws all converge into one point, a point that he then thrusts directly between my butt cheeks. Scott finds this adorable, because it never happens to him.

So maybe I'll get a full night's sleep without being violated by an animal. (That means you, Scott! HAA HAAAAAA! Sigh.) And it just took a little doggy barf to do it! Ta-da!

Reader Comments (30)

Eeeew. But you are one up on me, my posts have degenerated far below cat/dog details. I am dreading sitting down to type today.
November 16, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersuperblondgirl
Great post! Years ago when I moved in with my husband, my cat jumped on the bed and peed right between us. Of course, she also peed on any type of plastic ever left on the floor, my one box of school days memorabilia, our friend's sleeping bag and so many other things over the 13 years we had her I can't count. She was a tortoise-shell calico, beautiful, but apparently slightly vindictive.BTW, my daughter's name is Alice, also.
November 16, 2007 | Unregistered Commentercorey
Wonder what is in the air? I have two posts about cats very recently, and I don't even have a cat.You sure do find the funny in the everyday!
November 16, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterwitchypoo
You'll never get Charlie off the bed if he's used to being on it. Trust me on this. I'm on dog #2 that sleeps on the bed. Diva likes to cuddle under the covers...for about an hour at a time. Then she wakes up panting and won't come out until I lift the covers and coerce her out. Then about an hour later she gets cold and goes back under. This repeats itself all night long in the winter. I'm exhausted!

We've also experienced the Middle of the Night Puke event. That is not fun!
November 16, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl
I will if I LOCK HIM OUT OF THE ROOM bwa ha ha.

November 17, 2007 | Unregistered Commenteralice

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