At least I'm not writing about cats. Yet.

NaBloPoMo is bringing out the best in my good friend Sarah. I especially enjoyed the post narrated by her cat:

Oh, shit. Is that Other One trying to ENTER THE BEDROOM? She'll never learn. Cat's gonna make me flex. I'll just hide over here...wait for it... BAT BAT BAT! Feel the sting of my paw! You wanna scream about it? Go ahead. Yowl and scream all you want. Music to my ears.

Come on. That there is comedy gold.

In other news, my dog puked about an inch from my face. I was sleeping. It was 4 a.m. He looked as surprised as I felt.

I am sure Cookie would never have done this to me.

Yeah, I'm talking about dogs again. This is what happens when you post every day. And there is NOTHING ELSE GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE WHATSOEVER. Wow, look at those all caps! Wasn't that a strong statement!

Oh, and the dog? Puking because he keeps eating the cat food. Kitten victuals are irresistible to dogs. Even after they come back up.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, after changing the sheets, Scott and I proceeded to fight about which side of the bed the puke was on, as if it was somehow an insult directed at one of us, and the one whose side of the bed it puddled toward was the offended party. This is the kind of asinine argument one has at 4 a.m.

The puke was in the dead center of the bed, by the way. Charlie was playing fair.

At least it seems that Scott now sees my point about getting the dog off the damn bed, an initiative I have been pursuing since forever. At some point in the night, every night, Charlie scoots under the covers and steee-retches until his paws all converge into one point, a point that he then thrusts directly between my butt cheeks. Scott finds this adorable, because it never happens to him.

So maybe I'll get a full night's sleep without being violated by an animal. (That means you, Scott! HAA HAAAAAA! Sigh.) And it just took a little doggy barf to do it! Ta-da!

Comments

[birchsprite]

There's a really funny story about a cat on the BBC news website this morning. It goes off for a wander every night and then waits to be picked up a mile and a half away in his owners car.

Cats that's what it's all about today.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/dorset/7092301.stm

[Anne Prince]

ummm....Alice? I have a confession to make. Charlie has slept like that with me.

I feel so violated.

[Assertagirl]

Oh, it could have been worse...we've been awakened by explosive canine diarrhea before. Fortunately, though, it was not actually on the bed, just the floor.

NaBloPoMo has reduced me to commenting about dog diarrhea. Ugh.

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Note to self: Finslippy is now the repository for stories of forbidden dog-love. Long have I waited, yearned even, for this day.

[Average Jane]

That's why we no longer allow pets in the bedroom while we sleep. The late-night puking, the "I need to walk over here, so I'll step directly in your eye socket..." It's all a bit much.

[Candy]

My dog, too, eats the cat food. And then vomits it up. But better than that are the days she manages to get into the cat LITTER, because apparently, there is nothing - no, nothing - so appetizing as cat food that is now feces, rolled ever so delicately in a fine coating of clumpable litter. To my dog, litter is like panko.

In a strange twist of fate, though, last night my cat was eating the dog food. Go figure.

[Strizz]

That was pretty funny. Our dog would wait for us to fall asleep before crawling in the middle of the bed. She was a sneaky little poop eater.

[patois]

Always good to be found when someone (or something) pukes, eh?

[Amy]

Hah! Hilarious! I've always fought for a no-dogs-in-the-bed rule. Fortuantely our dog is a huge and hairy beast and he gets hot. So he may start off in the bed but he heads for a nice cool floor before too long.

[Mischa]

Talk about violation-- my cat humps me every night! Ew! My husband finds this hilarious, also, because it never happens to him. Don't these animals know that it's wrong to violate your mommy?

[Skitch]

Oh. My. God.

Comedic Gold.

I have been reading you for a little while and never commented - but this post made me laugh. A LOT. Gutty laughter.

Maybe because I have a dog that sleeps on the bed it's funnier to me. But wow... Hilarious.

[The Mom Bomb]

Our dog ate our kids' crayons, then suffered horrendous, toxic-spill diarrhea. It was revolting . . . but colorful.

[Amy]

Wow, what a coinkydink. I, my husband, and another dog, were all suddenly puked on this morning by a puppy that had eaten cat food. The planets must be aligned. We all just laid there looking at each other in complete surprise. She, however, had added a dash of cat crap to her meal.

[Tammy]

Heeeeey, I have a post from my cat all written up and ready for NaBloPoMo. No fair!

"In other news, my dog puked about an inch from my face. I was sleeping."

Yeah, my dog did this to me once, too. Except substitute "pooped" for "puked."

[Nancy]

For anyone that has a cat sharing the bed, this is hilarious:http://video.yahoo.com:80/video/play?vid=1322921&cache=1

[Vanessa]

My daughter nearly went insane on Sunday morning because one of our cats puked on her favorite book. I'm still trying to convince her that the cat didn't plan it that way and the book just happened to be there when the urge to puke struck, but she doesn't believe me. Hey, she's puked on me numerous times, and I'm not still holding a grudge. (Much.)

[Chaotic Joy]

Oh you really are hillarious. Even when you have nothing to say.

[ashley]

OMG. My dog does the same thing at night!!! She starts off on her bed (oh..she's sly) and then sneaks up on the bed in the middle of the night and stretches out between me and my hubby. We have a king sized bed and it's not quite big enough!Did I mention I wish that NaBloPoMo was EVERY month so that you would write every day!!!!! :)

[jennyonthespot]

I'm sorry to laugh here... but that just post just tickled my funny bone... heeheeheeheehee... :)

[Mrs. Who]

Oh, that's AWFUL! But also hilarious.

[cagey]

Whenever folks act like I am Crunchy-Wannabe Freak for co-sleeping with my kids, I shrug them off. After all, I had been sleeping with pets for YEARS before that. What is a few more warm bodies anyway?

[Emily]

see, this is just top notch bloggery right here.

[brian]

Lady, you make me laugh. I actually cried from laughing so hard.Thank you.I read you often and am never sorry for it.

[tallulah]

One time my friend's dog got sick on their bed in the middle of the night. All her husband could think to do was sit up and yell "EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" over and over again. Ha.

[imstell]

LMAO! When we first adopted our cat, Skidders, (who is huge and weighs about 16 lbs.) he slept with us every night. I would get up at 5:30 for work and feed him. On the weekends he would pesterize us at his customary feeding time growing more and more annoyed at the change in routine. After a few months of this we (and he) had had enough. Finally one Sunday morning when Skidders jumped on the bed for our pre-dawn breakfast call I kicked him off the bed quite unceremoniously. At this point he jump back onto the bed and bit me. Well, let me tell you that he was introduced to the bedroom wall hard and fast. After that he began tearing through the house like it was a race track. Over the bed. Down the hall. Tearing across the couch in the living room. Nails sliding across the kitchen floor to make the turn back into the hall and stopping dead on the bed. Then silence. As Daddy-O and I lay there in our respective sleep positions listening to the kitty tantrum and congratulating ourselves for having put the animal in his place we heard a sound we will never forget - the splash of a stream of water foaming into a puddle. That's right. Skidders was peeing on our bed. And we got up after all.