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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Alive, barely

Please remind me never to take a red-eye flight again. Also, encourage me to exercise more and eat less cheese. And ask me when was the last time I had my cholesterol checked. I will behave as if I want you to shut up, but inside, in a place even I don't even know about, I will be grateful.

Speaking of grateful, I am back home with my beloveds. The maddening thing about visiting a family with a boy who is as adorable as your own is that said boy WILL NOT LET YOU CUDDLE WITH HIM. Because you're a "stranger." Because he "doesn't know you." Because you "creep him out." Apparently seven-year-olds do not enjoy the visitor who chases them around, growling JUST LET ME TOUCH YOUR HAIR. Lesson learned. And now I am back and busy mauling my son, who may be the most lovable creature alive. When he pushes me off of him I climb all over Scott, who is hoping this new appreciation of my family never wears off. Sadly, we all know it will.

Within moments of my arrival, Charlie glued his nose to my jeans and figured out that I had been unfaithful. I told him that the other dog was a girl, and that I thought that made it okay. But I don't think he'll ever look at me the same way again.

Pensive charlie

(Lomo photo effect courtesy of Eden, who learned it from Schmutzie.)

Reader Comments (25)

When we had cats, my husband and I liked to come home, pet our own cats and tell them, "Yes, it's true. While we were out we got some strange." Meaning we had petted someone *else's* cat.

They always forgave us.

November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commentercardiogirl
It goes against everything I believe in to ask you to eat less cheese. As a matter of fact, I think you should eat more cheese. Perhaps even right now.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSonja
Ahhhh Charlie is lovely too
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterbirchsprite
Red-eyes are the worst- I did it once, trying to get to my brothers funeral. The haze of exhaustion made everything worse. So I totally support you in no more red-eyes. HOWEVER this whole less cheese thing? Not okay. The world is made better by cheese. You should eat some cheese right at this very moment. And you should drink some wine.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterAriel
Alice, please don't be speaking of red-eye flights. Forget your woes, you selfish girl, and think of ME! Crabmom is about to fly 35-odd hours with Crabtot. That's right Wyoming to bloody Cape Town, South Africa. We are talking fifty million connections and a lovely 18-hr flight sandwiched in there with a 3 year old. Picture 5 or 6 red eye flights with a crabbed out Crabtot beside you. Now forgo your own pain and feel mine. Because, you know, it's all about me. All the time.

I literally want to kill myself in advance of the flight. Maybe a dirigible will take me out and ease my pain.

Now if I may be so shameless as to suggest we all brighten up and grin with my Utah Baby Name compilation today. And you thought Pilot Inspektor was bad! (Seriously, I know the bad baby name thing is a tad tedious and ubiquitous on momblogs these day, but surely LeVoid deserves her time in the media?)
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterCrabmommy
You're a doggy trader. At least Cookie was more receptive than Jackson.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEm
PS. At first I read your post as "Alice, barely" and that made me laugh.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterEm
What is UP with kids being so freaked out by strangers?

Agreeing with Sonja: the way to go with cheese is up, not down.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTammy
you have broken his heart. he'll forget in a couple of days. or today after a couple of treats.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterchristina(peonyshade)
I have to say, this daily Finslippy posting? I am enjoying it very much.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterTwice Five Miles
He looks heartbroken. You couldn't have hidden the affair better?
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commentersuperblondgirl
This post reminds me of a story:

One of my friends was having a home birth which I was planning to attend. I got THE call one evening. I arrived after her older son was already asleep. After the brth, I went to sleepp on the hide-a-bed. In the morning, two-year-old Josh (surprisingly) craweled into bed with me and we had a REALLY NICE cuddle. After about 20 minutes of this he said, "What was your name again?"

Josh is 19 now and I've treatented to tell that story at his wedding.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLIB
You can't hide your unfaithfulness from a dog. The nose knows!
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterMauigirl
Eat less cheese? Are you insane? My doctor even recommended I eat cheese. If I eat cereal, I should have cheese with it (which strikes me as an odd combo but apparently it will balance the carbs). This diabetes thing is weird and I don't get it yet but as long as cheese is part of it, I'm okay.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterDM
Yes, this whole cheese-eating thing? I concur. Cheese is for eating as air is for breathing as dogs (your own or otherwise) are for firmly stroking.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterRaych
Children are so much cuter after you've been away. And while you've been away. And when you're about to go away.

Pretty much anytime that involves leaving them for a bit - they suddenly get cute.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSue
Alice, I'm breaking out of lurkdom to say, please eat more cheese. Think of the quality of life issues! As in, how could life be worth living without cheese? Really.

I'm also loving the daily posts. It's been great!
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterKirsten
the red eye is death.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterLori
cheese, good. dogs, good. post, good.
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterann
Charlie! Adorable!

JulesHouse of Jules
November 12, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterjules
I suggest a nice pecorino tartufello to erase that thought from your head.

To give up cheese would be very very sad. Unless you get the migraines.

November 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSpandrel Studios
So great. Now I really need photoshop because now you made me want to write, "Lomo photo effect copied from Alice, who got it courtesy of Eden, who learned it from Schmutzie."

November 13, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJulie
Charlie is a damn cute dog.

And cheese is healthy and delicious. Especially the extra extra sharp cheddar variety.
November 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterandrea_frets
I read somewhere that eating aged cheese is the worst-- something about dopamine and Parkinson's...and the fact it can slow yor metabolism.Maybe you need to have a red bull with your cheese?
November 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterlinda
Every time I see a photo of your dog, I love him more. What a face!
November 13, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterschmutzie

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