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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« Croup! | Main | Note to my neighbors: What you heard through the pipes in your bathroom was not what you thought you heard. »


Henry has recently discovered that nothing is funnier than the nonsense words. And using them constantly, to the exclusion of any other words that might render communication easy or even possible, is the absolute pinnacle of hilarity. In a matter of weeks this child’s every sentence, especially when he’s feeling jovial, is a barrage of whimsical coinages. Wackiest of all is, of course, any neologism that has POOP in it or rhymes with POOP or, hell, just is POOP—okay, so it’s not a new word, but it’s POOP, people! It’s comedy gold!

So: Hey, Henry, what do you want for lunch? “Poop shloopy! Poopy shloopers! I want BLOOT SMOOT with POOP!” Very good. Want to go to the park? “No, I will BOOFA to the POOF. I want to SPOOF to the LOOFA. And MEPAP. Luffa spuffa. Borf!” And oh, how we laugh. Truly, he is a gifted comedian.

Although this can get old real fast, it can also come in handy, like when we went to the doctor again today because the rash went away but then it came back and I’m trying not to think about bedbugs please god don’t let it be that. We were ushered from the waiting room, with its toys and books and overall fun-time atmosphere, into a cold and dull exam room, where we waited for approximately twelve hours, and yet Henry managed to entertain himself the entire time with his wordplay.

Between his fits of verbal tomfoolery he quizzed me on what exactly was happening. Here he was, stripped down to his altogether, waiting on a paper-covered bench for—what, exactly? “What’s the doctor gonna do?” he demanded to know.

“She’s going to look at your rash and say, ‘What a beautiful boy,’” I said. Not adding, “Except for that grotesque rash covering your arms and legs.”

So when the doctor came in, he gave her a minute to look him over and then he commanded, “Say ‘What a beautiful boy.’” Which she did, because she’s no fool, and he beamed and said, “Now say, ‘What a poopy fooper! SAY IT.”

Then the doctor handed me the name of a dermatologist while I begged her to tell me it wasn’t bedbugs and Henry held his hands to his ears and shouted “I can hear me in my head!” He may be suffering, but still he entertains.

ALSO: You may notice that I now have Google ads on my site. I said I would never do it, and then I did it. According to Google, so far I've made $0.00. So please--won't you click? I want those half-pennies to start coming my way! And you want me to post more, don't you? Don't you? Hello? Anyone?

Reader Comments (46)

Mepap? Have you been reading him "Endgame" too much? Nothing entertains toddlers and preschoolers more than the sound of their own voice.

Nothing makes me want to click on a google ad more than the promise of "Bites and Stings Online"!!!
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterwenslydale
you are doing something very right with that kid.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterdawnkeyotie
Uh...I would be the first to click your lovely Google ads, since I love your blog, but I'm currently not in need of a "Women's Treatment Program" nor am I desiring to "Find Local Offenders Free".

April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterGoofy Girl
Maybe some of the local offenders are nice. CLICK IT.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAlice
Re: nonsense words. Um . . . your blog name is FINSLIPPY.

Just pointing that out.

Off to click it before I'm yelled at again.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterLinda
Google gets very offended if you encourage people to click your ads. I was running a "Feed My Husband Something Besides Condiments" campaign and they sent me a snippy email. Boo.

But I clicked anyway. Clickity click.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterErin H.
Oh, yes, we want you to post more! Please post more - you whore. Oh, there's the door!

(see I can do it too! Sorry for calling you a whore. I don't mean it. SNORE)
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterEm
I just had to point out the "loofa" is indeed a word. Sorry. The rest, complete nonsense. That Henry.

I'll click on your Google ads if you come over and click on mine, but let me tell you...they don't send you any money unless you get over $100 worth of clicks in the monthly period. I've never done it, but then again, I doubt my readership is as copious as your's. Non-Reading, No-Clicking Bastards!!!

And, for those of you who don't know, you don't have to actually go through the agony of clicking all the way into the advertisement, you can just click on it and then hit your "back" button to get back to the yummy deliciousness that is Finslippy and her rash-covered bundle of silliness.

Off to click for you!
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterChickenFlicken
I have CLICKED. Let it not be known that I do not support Henry's tuition. I don't suppose there's a commission involved.......
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBob
I had bedbug bites from an ill-fated Czech hostel visit. They are not nearly as transient as, say, took a good week for them to fade. If that helps.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterspygeek
Poop! That one always gets me...

Sure, I'll click on the ad to prevent pornography from coming into my home...wonder why that one popped up?
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSuper Turtle Girl
I clicked on an ad about bugs for you. That is the proof of my love for all things finslippy. Please stay!
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterreenie
I laughed aloud at "I can hear me in my head!" Little kids are such a hoot! I can still remember my phase of addiction to made up words. Mine were outrageously elaborate and silly, and my best friend and I thought we'd invent a new language. It didn't get much past two or three giggle-packed utterances, but it was good fun while it lasted.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterFahrvergnugen
Ahhhh! You're site has changed colors, or they're bugs eating the cones in rods in the back of my eyes causing my color scheme useless!

Wait, so Did the doctor say, "What a poopy fooper"? Because, if she didn't, I believe its medical policy that you don't have to pay them, ever.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterPaul Buffa
Well, heck, I guess you've gotta pay to get rid of the rash.

So I am going to click. But this is the ONLY time, because you NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR ME.


April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSoper
My oldest sprouty who is 3.58 years old rather enjoys speaking in a vernacular he picked up from a SpoungeBob SquarePants episode. Where every other word is prefaced with a pfffffft sound. It pfffftsounds like pffftthis when pffftyou say pffffftit out pfffftloud. ( I must admit that I am guilty of encouraging such tom foolery, any opportunity to make flatulent sounds can not be passed up) boys will be boys, until they grow up and become really big boys.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDEPjrTX
The New Yorker had quite an informative article about bedbugs recently. I thought it was just something our moms said back in the day when they tucked us in, but apparently when they said "Don't let the bedbugs bite!" it was a warning, not a tender parting. Click. Anne at
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAnne Glamore
Holy Moly a revamped template! I haven't even read the latest post yet.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSheryl
What exactly are the Star Wars action figures doing in that photograph? More tedious discussions of trade policy?

I just read that New Yorker article last night. Ouch!
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterlandismom
I got the Watkins Canadian Catalog. They can't spell but the products are pretty cool. Do you get extra if you buy something?

Mont D. Law
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermontdlaw
I clicked on ad for bug resistant clothing. Thank god it wasn't for bug resistant underwear or I would feel compelled to go my, you know. Maybe they should market it to people who get crabs a lot.

What are bed bugs? Besides crabs? Or head lice? Or fleas?
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterLisa V
Oh how I miss the days of rhyming and poop being the most amusing thing ever. Only children are comedic like that. Children with siblings can make a lifelong game out of a single phrase. Like, say, "SMELL MY BUTT!" Oh, the hilarity.

Tell Henry that he is indeed a beautiful boy and also that he should not succumb to pressure--peer or otherwise--to sniff others' potentially gaseous body parts.
April 5, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMir
Spoogy, woogy, poofy shmoofy poopSnorp!!

I clicked a coupla times--hope it helps....

April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterEffie
Alice, I clicked and was exposed to what can only be called cable quality animal p*rn.

See for yourself. A really happy customer.
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMelissaS
Firefox for the Mac disappears the ads entirely. Ordinarily, that would be a good thing, but in this case, we're talking about money that could be going directly to George Lucas. So please, readers, switch back to Explorer and do your part to keep the taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems evenly distributed.
April 6, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterScott

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